~!~Good Day ToYou Sir~!~
In regard to the title… Yes I’ve become obsessed with quite a few things since I’ve moved. For example:
-The Outsiders
-Writing
-Internet
-Music
-Movies in General…
I could continue, but we’ve got to get this show on the road!
To be honest, this journal response is written (twice! –rage-) in response to a friend’s. (My Pirate Buddy, Caroline! ^^ I love you!)
High school sucks, bottom line. I didn’t think it was possible for fake bitches to exist, but I’m wrong! 0.0 I can’t believe things are this way. I try to be myself, but I just can’t. I can’t slip into things the way I could back home. I’ve obsessed with a lot since I’ve moved here. I’m anxious, I’m nervous, I’m writing compulsively just so I don’t fidget, I’m addicted to gum the way a smoker is to cigarettes-it calms my nerves-and can’t just be myself. And it’s not just me saying this; a girl at school told me so, saying, “You seem uptight. Always trying to do something.”
Yeah, tell me about it.
Remember being little and you couldn't wait to be older? You were so ready to be out of elementary school and head off to high school where everyone was taller and no one fell down? You were planning for college in fourth grade when you were asked for the millionth time what you wanted to be when you grew up. Now looking back I remember being high was being able to jump off the swing and fly. The only protection I was ever lectured on was wearing a helmet when I went biking. Drugs were bad foreign objects you couldn't even pronounce the name of. It was okay to cry when someone said something mean and falling down and skinning your knees was what showed you were strong. Goodbye was only until my best friend came over again. Now finally being here, all grown up... Not everyone is tall and falling down doesn't mean tripping on your shoe laces. People are looking for jobs to pay for college which is only six months away for them. Getting high is only for weekends in the basement. Still nobody bothers with protection, though a lot worse can happen than banging your head on the curb. Drugs are handed out sometimes as you walk home in the shadows of the trees. It's not okay to cry, even if someone shoves you into a locker. Beating up the next kid and never getting a broken heart is what shows others that you're strong, even though you feel like breaking. Goodbye means you'll never talk again, even though you see each other every day on the way to class. I can't believe I just couldn't wait to grow up...
High school really hasn’t lived up to my expectations. I just can’t accept that this is all there is. I miss that wide-eyed, dark-lashes child I was. I can’t be myself. But the person I am isn’t myself either. I want to strive to be the person I want to be, but I don’t know who that is. There’s no one to catch me when I fall off the edge and no edge to step to. I wish this were simpler. I’m lost.
Hey, Deanna? Could you tell your dad that the French probably don’t like him very much considering we drove them into poverty when they helped us with the Revolution? (Leading them to their own XD) Oh, and Rome fell in 476 AD and the world kinda got stupid for a while after that. Apparently my diploma depends upon that fact. XD
Oh! I’ve learned all my nationalities! On my mom’s side, I’m German and Irish (those two were married to each other, can you believe it?) and a little bit Cherokee Indian. And apparently some great uncle or something fought in WWII. He flew over future bomb sites taking pictures, and did it again afterwards. Like ‘before and after’ with cosmetics. He was a drunk since they gave you alcohol to steady your nerves in the war. On my dad’s side I’m Scottish and French, so yes my name is French, so spread the word! XD
I’ve been obsessed with music lately. I can’t stand to be away from my iPod. Must have sound. I don’t know why… Maybe I’m trying to keep from thinking too much.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About everything there is to think about. I even have a little entry to explain it better.
I’ve thought about a lot of things. I’ve thought about running away. I’ve thought about stabbing myself, just to feel viable pain. I’ve wondered how no one seems to care for me as a woman. And just when someone seems to, I wondered why he was such a jackass. I’ve wondered why perfectly innocent people take their own lives before they have a chance to grow. I’ve thought of home, and my friends. I’ve wondered why the very people, who made me swear on pain of death to never forget them, forgot me. I’ve thought of the meaning of family. I’ve wondered how they say they love me, yet can’t take the time to know me. I’ve wondered how I’ve managed to go through the motions for so many years. I’ve thought of disowning you all the way you disowned me. But all that’s firm in my mind, is my true family, my true friends. All that never wavers is God, and his son, Jesus Christ. They’re all I have, and all I need.
OMG, I sound depressing in this. I just can’t help it! I don’t know what else to say! crying These are just things I’ve been thinking lately, not my fault the thoughts force themselves inside my head!
Okay, since I’ve recently become re-obsessed with it, I just had to do this.*
My mom: Soc
My dad: Greaser
My sister: in-between
My brothers: Greasers
Caroline: in-between
Catherine: in-between
Deanna: Soc ((I still can’t come to terms with that… even though she said it…))
Megan W: Soc
Megan N: in-between
Mackenzie: Greaser
Miller: Soc
Daniel: in-between or Greaser. I can’t decide.
Did I miss anyone? I probably did, just tell me who they are and I’ll label ‘em. XD And me? You decide, and be sure to tell me what you think.
*I MEAN THIS IN THE BEST POSSIBLE TERMS. DO NOT GET MAD AT ME!
I’ve been doing a lot on the internet lately. Such as take personality quizzes!
Left-Brained Features
-verbal, focusing on words or symbols
-analytical, led by logic (Logically speaking… XD)
-process idea sequentially, step by step (don’t do that before you do this!)
-words used to remember things
-likes making lists and planning (since I could write, everything had to be planned out, step by step)
-likely to follow rules without questioning them (why are you painting the walls orange? Because he told me to… why would I not?)
-enjoys observing (aw, so true)
Right-Brained Features
-‘mind photos’; writing things down helps you to remember them (if I don’t write it down, I will forget!)
-enjoys touching, sensory input (all wrongness aside, when am I not touching?)
-unlikely to read instruction manual (maybe after I screw up a few times XD)
-talk with your hands (I’ve been asked to explain sex, just to see what I’ll do…)
People like
-your creativity
You attract
-the class clown
-you’re sweet and funny, and so is he!
The rest probably wouldn’t interest most…
Yep, a lot of that sort of thing… yeah, and more thinking in between those. Gosh, so much thinking has been going on lately, I just don’t understand why… another thing to tell you that I’ve been thinking too.
You never have to teach someone how to defend their home, their rights, their freedom. Once you give that to them, they will always feel a claim to it, a need to defend it when someone tries to steal it from under their feet. Yet at the same time, no one seems to want to do that, till we're at extremes with our enemies. Why should it take desperate times for someone to become aware of the things they hold dear, to feel the urge to protect them, even when there is no way to win, even when there's nothing left to fight for...
Yeah, a whole lot of that sort of thing going on. I’ve also been considering my faith. I can’t say religion, because I’m not bound by rules, but my belief that there is something out there more important than me. What others say doesn’t matter, and you could worship a ******** piece of plastic for all I care. We could all be wrong, who knows? But don’t demean my religion or anyone else just because you don’t understand, or care, or don’t think anything is stirring the cosmic dance, just because you can’t tell without looking to far between the lines. (Seriously, a scientist I was starting to respect said that, and I turned the T.V. off. Fool) We get so caught up in our lives that we forget there are things of simplicity, things that are beautiful, things we can never fully grasp. Like watching the sun rise over the beach. Seeing the rays break over that magical place where sky meets water. The horizon blends into a seamless line, and the ocean stretches beyond that, to far lands that lie across the sea. A kinda contented feeling washes over you as you watch the sun rise past that tantalizing point. There comes a moment when you are no longer who you were and not defined by who you will be. What everyone else thinks doesn’t matter. In that moment, you are yourself, and nothing else exists. In that moment, all that matters, is you.
Whoa, I was getting really deep there… onto lighter topics! Like Christmas!
Gosh, I love Christmas. Everyone’s being good, there’s this giddy feeling about everyone… you’re inspired to be a good person, suddenly you feel the urge to donate that spare change, volunteer somewhere, empty your closet and give those clothes to the shelter. And then comes New Year’s, when a load of possibilities arise. Last year I was with my best friend, dancing in the streets. We just knew this was going to be the year that everything changed. And everything did change. Everything, everyone… nothing’s the same. This year, I don’t have the same sensation, that notion that this, this, could be it. But there’s still something, something I can almost touch, tainting the air. Not a feeling you can feel, not a taste you grasp, just, something…
But still, there’s that itching, in the back of my mind. Those people, those people that aren’t sincere. I have no problem with festivities, just to be festive, but we all know someone that isn’t there just to be there. To them, Christmas isn’t a time for remembering, but a time for gifts. If you aren’t going to recognize the true meaning, don’t even bother pretending. Don’t call Christmas, call it X-Mas. Because that’s all it is to you. A time for x amount of things to come out of the attic, for x amount of presents to be received, for x amount of cards to be sent… just don’t even try to lie.
Okay, I’m obsessed with leaving an impression on people, so here’s something I wrote. Yes, I was thinking again when I wrote it. XD Keep in mind, it is good to give. You’re supposed to help those less fortunate than you. But it’s not because they have any less, or are missing out on something. It’s because you should; it’s because you know there’s something for you, and you don’t need anything else.
Christmas is filled with lights and bows. All the commercial elements come out as we deck the halls once again. Children are waiting for the largest array of presents they’ll ever receive. Some are out donating to those who “won’t have a Christmas”. But how can you not have a Christmas? Do we really think that Christmas is just a show of lights and bows? That shows how much we’ve forgotten of the first Christmas. How can you not have a Christmas when God sent you the best gift of all?
>.<
~DCF
~!~Now Time For Cake~!~
 decz22 · Tue Dec 14, 2010 @ 10:25pm · 1 Comments |
