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Ebil-NekoCat
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October 7, 2010: Stephanie and her Views on Vampires
So Stephanie just finished reading the Chronicles of Vladimir Tod. And as one often does when reading an inacurate portrayal of vapmires(*cough*Twilight*cough*), Stephanie wishes to express what she thinks of vampires, and what they really are like.

{{ Quoted from Steph: }}
According to the X-Files, there are many different kinds of vampires, but I just think there are some things that really don't fit in with the legend at all. I have multiple things to gripe about Twilight. Multiple meaning two or three.
Vampires should not have super powers. If you get bitten, you should not be able to see into the future, create forcefields, or read minds. They should just be able to control you with their words, like, "I am so sexy!" and "Obey me!" and stuff like that. Anyway, Renesme shouldn't [have a power] either.
When put into the sun, vampires should burn. They shouldn't sparkle! In the Chronicles of Vladimir Tod, they combust. Even if that is a little extreme, they still burn.
There is one thing I agree with Twilight about, though. When turning someone into a vampire, all you should have to do is bite them. (I like how he tries to suck the vemon out like a rattlesnake just bit her.) You shouldn't have to drain them of all their blood and then give them your own.
Anyway, I have a few [other] things to get mad at Vladimir Tod about. Vampires can't fly. They just can't. I don't really know if they should or shouldn't [turn into bats], it's just kind of a thing. I don't really care if you can move at an extreme speed, like really really fast, just don't fly.
Oh! How to kill a vampire! You make them eat garlic or put it to them. Or stake them. Or put a cross to their forehead. They just go BOOM and they're dead. It is not nescessary to rip their heart out and crush it to a pulp. You don't have to rip them apart and burn them either.
There was some thing [in Vladimir Tod] about glyphs. It would do some special thing like it made you blind to a certain thing, like "You can't read this part of the book, 'cause I glyphed it with my blood!" or "Aw man, the door's locked! 'Cause it's glyphed." [Glyphs] don't exist.
Here's something random I strongly believe: vampires need help controling themselves. They just eat whoever's in front of them at the time. They just go, "Ooh, she smells nice!" and BITE!
Vampires do have a beating heart. I have many reasons of why this is true: In practically ever legend I've ever heard of a vampire, the guy vampires have sex with human beings. And you can't have sex if your heart doesn't beat and "down there" doesn't do a special little thing that it does. But even thought vampires can have sex, they can't have babies. 'Cause it doesn't really work. If you are technically dead, your sperm would die too.
Also, if your heart didn't beat, wouldn't you turn blue?
If you stake a vampire in the heart, it kills them by killing the heart. The heart stops because of that, it can't stop if it was never beating. Another reason: if they didn't have a heartbeat, they'd just be dead and unkillable.
I would never really say that the person who bites you is now your father or your mother. I don't care [about the legends], that's not how it works. If somebody asks you, "Who's your father?" You should say your biological father, not, "Well, this guy bit me, so I guess him!"
That's done. I'm done.
{{ /end quote }}


Post a comment about what you think of vampires! I will be doing that as well. Perhaps we'll take the most popular opinions and form a definative definition of vampires! Which sounds awesome, so comment away!





User Comments: [2]
Queen_Awesome_Penguin
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comment Commented on: Fri Oct 08, 2010 @ 12:29am
ok lets see. (I only skimmed this, too long for my short attention span)

So first of all, vampires in my mind should be crafty, elusive, and pretty much everything they say is a lie. They can survive on other blood besides human, bovine is preferred, cows can turn into vampires. To be turned into a vampire one must be bitten (preferably on the neck) and not killed in the process. If a person is completely sucked dry of their blood they will die and not become a vampire. To kill a vampire they much be staked and then burned completely. I'm not sure about bats, I'd like to say yes? Umm vampires have fangs (obviously, dumbass meyer) and they will combust or atleast burn in the sun so they stay in dark places (A coffin perhaps, or a nice cave) during the day. Theyre refections do not show up in the mirror (oooh) and garlic will keep them away. And they wear capes. of course.


comment Commented on: Fri Oct 08, 2010 @ 01:56am
Vampires should be complex- I mean, if they're undead for who knows how long, they've got to have pretty developed characters. Obviously they should drink blood with their fangs- lack of this will cause them to become weak until they enter a state of immense suffering and pain. Vampires can only be killed by stakes, sunlight, and crosses. So yes, they burn in sunlight.

Vampires should also be romancers. This makes sense with the legend that you have to invite a vampire in before they can step over the threshold. So they must be able to charm their prey pretty easily.

Vampires should not have superpowers. Superheroes have superpowers, not vampires. Vampires are creatures of the night, so yes, they can turn into bats if they choose, but this is not a requirement.

Vampires should be cool. And dead. But alive enough to not be considered zombies. Yeah... sweatdrop



redpandy
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User Comments: [2]
 
 
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