View User's Journal

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I was tired and the pain in my belly wasn't helping either.
I didn't feel like socializing. Nor did I know what to say.
I was tired.

In the kitchen.
"Hey, Denn[is],I'm going to lay in your bed."
"MMMmmm okay."

Fixing the bed...eugghh* Going to the bathroom to wash my hands first.
Came back to look for my glasses and Denn was hiding by David's bedside.
Scared me again. But I guessed I liked it when he scares me....sometimes.

I don't remember much. Just felt his comfort. I was like a baby. And he was watching me ever so closely. I think we talked. I wasn't going to do anything to him, but I like to tease. In some time Sam came in with her black dog then she closed the door.

After much talking...dunno forgot about what and he feel asleep by my side.
I had a dream, but thats not the important dream. I woke up and Denn was like "You woke me up" I said, "Was my hands moving? Was my eyes closed? Then I was asleep Denn." I don't know. He probably thought I was just messing with him so I gave him kisses on his soft neck and hug him in bed. I felt that he was really annoyed so whatev I just backed off to the cool air breeze corner with no comforter. And yes I can tell that hes really mad or something. He just wants his sleep.

I rarely get astral projections (sleep catelespy/paralysis) but when it happens, its bad.
I can remember myself trying to breathe and everything was not good. My body was paralyzed. A wierd feeling on my neck came by, like I was choking and I struggled to touch Denn to end it. But I was too much to it or just couldn't reach him not knowing where he was. near or far. I forced my fingers to move, but they were litterly heavy.

In prior incidents a touch to my sister brought me back and ended the paralysis.
Yes, its wierd. But keep listening.

So after that I kept on breathing and fell right back to sleep because of being so tired. The sleep paralysis ended. It felt like an evil feeling overcoming and out of me. I hate it.

It was like a whirwind slapping me in the face so my dream journey continued onward. I think I was still trembling and twitching. If I was, did Denn noticed?

This time, what i thought would be good turned out even more dementing.

I was at UC Davis. Denn now has his license and he tells me all about it when we communicated on the computer or phone. I don't remember. He also wants to donate his body to science/other people who needed his organs. Lol, I thought. That was part of the DMV questionaire and he answered yes.

So on his way to the busy drive to hwy 99 ( a straight highway to sac city) and a left turn to San Fran was where Davis was. In the middle.

I was excited. He said he was going to see me. And I was going to see him again.
I've never felt so happy in my life.

But everything turned out wrong.
Denn had a car accident.
AND
he dies on highway 99.

Blood is spilled everywhere. Denn's blood.
The blood that carried inside him. That made him,him.
The blood of his past and present, and future.
The blood that made him erect.
The blood that was pure and loved me for who I am.
His blood drying in the hot cement highway, evaporating into
the air upward to heaven. Denn was just going away in so many ways.

His head was bloody. Those eyes closed. His white collared shirt bloodied.
The car was transformed into something found in a junk yard and all rustied.

I received a phone call because he was carrying his cellphone with my number on it.
It was not the sexy soft laughable voice of Denn but a low voiced man. He was the police officer calling me if I know who had this cellphone so that they can identify him.

Then I cried. I knew he was dead at that moment.

....So Denn said yes to donating his body to people.

Cell memory is when someone has another persons organ and wierdly enuff starts acting like them in a way. This is a real phenonmenon.

A sick girl had Denn's kidneys and after that all she can drink was soda,koolaid, and nothing of water.

An old man took Denn's liver and the same thing happened.

A blind black guy wanted Dennis's eyes. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! in my ind, I said NO!. yES HE wanted people to take any part of him but I didnot want his EYES to be taken. Thats him and can be of no one else. I thought of the man as evil for being so specific with light coloured blue eyes. Couldn't he get browwn eyes so that Denn can keep a part of himself being buried. But no- I couldn't stop it.

The black man had Denn's eyes and could see perfectly. That man now can get flashbacks of me and Denn's days together. And the black man would remind them to me. "Oh I just had a flashback of when you two first met,the play,the first time at the canal,the theatre,the first time,the walks,visiting at your asian place,the parties." He would look into my eyes with your eyes.

I felt like dying inside not having you. It was all my fault for choosing UC Davis over Fresno State and of the accident.

In the black man's eyes were Denn's eyes. But nothing of Denn either. Still I saw a gleam that sparkled in the eyes and knew instantly that you were still there, cheering me on, supporting me in every way from heaven. You made it. And I would regurlary get dreams of you, that was the communication btw heaven and earth. Waiting for me. You would also give me signs in life that you are there. "Balloons,hummingbirds,butterflies,9/12"

In the inside pocket of Denn's collared shirt when he died was something rather surprising yet sad. He had small black velvety box inside. Inside that box was an engagement ring.

Then I woke up in deep breaths. I dunno if Denn could hear me but I went to the floor. He didn't know. HE DIDN'T KNOW! I did not want to sleep and put my hands to my face. HE DIDN'T KNOW I DREAMT OF HIM, OF SOMETHING SO TERRYFYING.
My hands and feet were "pins and needles". I blinded him with the light to see if my hands were purple. I just want him to hug me as tightly as he could but then again i didn't want to tell him of this dream. I would cry because it was so horrifying. But I just wanted him to hug me because I was freaking out.

He asked "how I should comfort you". I thought that was a bogus question. But he was honest about asking so I didn't get mad. Somehow I just needed to go. And he could see from my watch that it was 6:30pm.

Sweetly, he gave me water. So sweet.

....It was a terryfeying dream that brought me to tears. I dunno who wouldn't cry at the lost of a love one. I just needed to leave and think. I felt bad because I couldn't handle myself. I was even rude to Kaleigh and Brit for not giveing them hugs or saying goodbye.

...AND I took the long way home and cried like a baby.

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

More Information