Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

dear all people on my friends list,

stop. ********. asking. if. I'm. okay.

no, no I am NOT okay.
my reason for happiness, my reason for smiling,
my reason for dragging myself out of bed every morning
is gone.

********. my. life.
even J e s u s doesn't care about my happiness : )

I prayed for the first time in... forever,
that he would find some way for us to work out...

what do I get instead?
A firm absolution that being with me can only hurt me
gee, thanks God
way to ******** that one up -thumbs up-

Thanks- Chiri


Dear Josh, yes JOSH
I'm using your ******** name deal with it,


Being with me hurts me???
[******** YOU

your stupid, "woe is me, I'm a monster" game hurts me worse than anything!

Yeah.
You're a messed up dude.
Welcome to ******** America

You want to talk about crazy?
The only crazy one in this batshit relationship is ME
DEAL WITH IT

But then again you're so ******** self-centered it has to be you...
I'm hurting you, I'm doing this, I'm doing that- SHUT THE ******** UP

You told me once that you didn't know if you loved me.
That I understood.
Now you know you love me, but, "Sometimes love isn't enough".


BULL ******** s**t!!!!!!!!

Love tears down hate
Love brings people closer
It erases barriers
Love will always, always be enough

Unless you're afraid of it
and I think you are

Every time you tell me what a God awful person you are I want to slap you upside your pretty little head.

You are,
One of the most genuinely wonderful people I have ever met

Everything about you is full of blinding sincerity
The one thing most people lack and you seem to be seething it

You're such a martyr... hating yourself so no one will love you

I could list all the things I find absolutely enthralling about you and you would find something to pick at about each of them.
I love that about you.

Your eyes are gorgeous.
Your voice can, and has made me cry.
You're such a walking contradiction I could write a song about it, but sadly Greenday beat me to it.
You love me.

What an amazing thing in itself.
Me.
I don't keep relationships
I break them
I take the people that love me and I crush them until I'm satisfied with the end result.

I could never crush you...
It would break me apart.

But telling you these things is like talking to someone who's not quite there in the head.
You hear everything I say, but none of it gets through your teeny little brain.
For someone so damn smart you're a ******** idiot sometimes.

When an enemy of mine cares about my happiness, maybe it's time you
rethink things.

You want time away.
TAKE YOUR GOD DAMN TIME
But don't you dare tell me you can't be with me, because the only one not letting you is YOU

You think you're happy being single?
It's safe for you.
You don't have to try so hard.
If you never try to do anything you never WILL do anything.

Hate yourself then.
What the hell do I care.
But I will not let you say those things as excuses.
You know perfectly well the only way you ever hurt me is when you leave me.

You don't even leave for good reasons
You didn't leave me when I prodded at you to see if you were capable of feeling
and you didn't leave me when I "cybered" with other people
You didn't leave me when I pmsed or bitched or was just an ugly terrible person

Because you know as much as I do
We are
Two parts
of the same piece

and don't ******** give me that
there is no such thing as "blah blah blah"
=x=
I won''t have it

you want my anger?
well here it is
You're a ******** idiot
You make shitty excuses to run away from your problems and
you think I'm stupid enough to buy into them.

well I'm not
I don't need you to not hurt me
I need you to ******** put your brain back into your head and realize what an a** you're being

wake up slap yourself and suck up your pride
then when you're ready to admit you were wrong,
which heaven knows may take forever
just say, "Alice was right"

: )

thanks and have a ******** day

-Annie