Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Random Entry # 10

Not sure how to start this entry, my mind been on a roller coaster. Like, seriously...Well, I'll just explain to the best of ability.

My two best friends are dating, which if fun. But I want things to go back to normal..It used to be just the three of us, play flirting here and there. Now we rarely see each other thanks to one of us living a bit aways from us. However, when we do finally be together I'm filled with regret. I can't tell you why, because both of them are able to read this and so on. All I can say...is that I wish I could turn back time so I could have spent our last day of true happiness together perfectly.

The biggest doosh (mentioned in other entries) dumped his gf for me, apparently, and wanted me to date him. I couldn't say yes though...I had to refuse him. I was his third choice, if I really meant something to him then he would pick me over the last two. Plus, he made that "promise" while he with someone. What stops him from doing that if he had dated me? Anyways, a day after I told him I couldn't (which was realy.....really....really...hard) date him he texts me saying he's dating one of my friends. Which is totally nice and dandy. rolleyes


I liked this other guy too, he's fun to talk to and I think he's awesome. My friend think he's creepy thou and hates him. (lol) He likes this other chick, which we'll call "curly s", and I've seen him follow her n stuff. We were play flirting through txts, and I add "but we should stop since ur not interested in me" Then we had a conversation on how he has thought about me as cute but he doesn't know. He suggests I meet him the next day at lunch, which I was happy about. I even got my hair styled cutely. Long story short, half of lunch I spent looking for his a** and the other half was me seeing him flirt with curly s. I was so invisible that day...*sigh* Oh well.

Really, I feel bad for myself. I can't feel anymore, I mean literally. If I like someone, I automatically tell myself I'm not worth it. He's too perfect, and could get someone better then me anyways. I'm too picky for bfs anyways...(obviously, I don't have one) If I had one, I would have a list of don'ts. DON'T say you love me unless you mean it. Not at the end of a phone conversation or if we're in the mood. Or if we're saying goodbye or hello. DON'T treat me like a doll or a kid, I might act like a kid but I'm really mature when in the mood. (I sorta hide my matureness) DON'T expect me to txt/call you 24/7. I have a life damn it. Jeez. DON'T put yourself before my bffs, they come before you the most. DON'T try to go further in the mood and try to hit homerun. You try taking off my pants, or even slid ur hand down there I will slam you against the wall and kick you out of my house for a week. I'm not ready for the s**t yet, and I'm not going to do it just because of "love" I'm doing it when I feel ready, and when I come to age.

When I say "come to age" I'm referring to my vows I made when I was young. One of the vows to not have xxx till I'm 17 or in college. Another is to NEVER get married. Ever. Not even for money. Or love. I'm never ever ever ever ever getting married. "Oh why not?" Cuz its too much ******** drama. "Won't you get lonely?" I'll date here and there. "What about children, don't you wanna have kids?" I'll adopt, duhhh. Another vow is to never have kids since it's yucky. "Why not break ur vows?" Cuz they're my vows, they are meant not to be broken. "No matter what?" Yep. "Not getting married...what if you meet ur prince?" Prince? You mean, the right guy? Hell, if he doesn't respect my wishes then he's not my prince. "What if he loved you." Then he would understand. "What if.." Someone turn off the question robot.

*kicks question robot* Damn it, he gets annoying. Alright well I'm going to go hit the hay, my eyes hurt a bit and I'm sleepy. So, I'll end it here. Peace.