Hello!
So, I'm FINALLY updating. Sadly, this is going to be a bit of a mix. On one hand, I have great news! On the other, I'm seriously depressed. Anyway, now I get to tell you all about it! YAY FOR YOU!
So, Good news! I just got a promotion from Chuck E. Cheese's! YAY! I'm team 2, which is basically a trainer. It'd be sorta like being a corporal in the Army. Sure, you're a higher rank then private, but you're not gonna be able to command the army any time soon. My aim is to be a General Manager, at which point I'll run my own Chuck E. Cheese. To get there, I have to get three more promotions.
First I have to get a promotion to team 3, which is as an assistant Manager. Probably my start there will be as an opening coordinator.
Next, I move up to a Manager level, which is like second in command for the GM who runs the store. Then of course finally I become a GM.
I could continue trying to move up in the company. The current president started as a cast member, but to be quite honest the GM position is what I desire, and I'm not really looking for position just for the sake of saying, "Hey, look at me! I'm a District Manager! I'm accomplished something!" Hell No! I don't need that s**t to accomplish something! I just want a good living and someone who loves me and I love them back beside me. Someone who understands me and loves me for all the quirkiness that is me.
Of course, this brings us to the source of my depression. On the way to the meeting with the DM where I got promoted, I was listening to my MP3 Player. The song came on by Black Eyed Peas, "Tonight's gonna be a Good Night". As they were singing, I was thinking, "When was the last time I had a REALLY good night?" And I tried to think. Dragon Con was nice, but that wasn't a truly good night in my mind, even though I had a lot of fun. Why? Because deep inside it was missing the key ingredient. I knew it then and I know it now. Even as I left Dragon Con, I managed to get hit by it. I had thought, "I can't wait to tell Madison about this," because we talked about everything! But I hadn't heard from her in months at that point and I thought she hated me. I realized then just how empty my pleasure was without her there to share it with. I realized that my happiest moments have always been the few times that she was beside me. Since I've been away from her, I've felt literally empty. It's obvious to me now why I can't get over her no matter what I try. Because I still have those memories of just how happy I can be. And I have them to way the present against and it makes my heart bleed and seep with terrifying sorrow. I can't think of what to do! What can I do!? Madison has said she doesn't love me anymore, but I don't feel that way. I can't avoid her, that would be worse even then pain I feel now. Even though it hurts to talk to her knowing that she'll never be mine, it hurts worse to not hear from her. It threatens to overwhelm me on a daily basis. Every time I think I've finally pushed that longing down where it can't bother me, it breaks out. Deep down, every time I talk to a girl it's half hearted. I don't WANT to try to find someone new. At first I thought my confidence is just shot, but the truth is, it's not my confidence that's shot. It's that I don't care to date anyone but Madison, and so I can't drum up the energy to even try. I force myself to, but it's a half hearted effort. And I can't beg Madison to come back to me. She'd just run away again! I'm feeling like I'm backed into a corner! I don't want anyone but the one I can never have. I love her with my entire being, but she will never be mine. How can one truly cope with the thought of being alone forever?
I hear my friends say, "You should take this time to enjoy being single!" and I think, what the ******** kind of idiot came up with that notion!? I've never been happy while single. It's lonely and depressing. What's enjoyable about it. I don't LIKE having the bed to myself. I don't like not having someone else in the house and being all alone. I like the company of one person being there to be my balance.
I can't stop thinking about my complete and utter crash that's occurring. I've got to stop it. It's making everything gray and unenjoyable! Making me so sad and making me not able to truly give myself to the pursuit of anyone or anything. Making me feel like everything I'm doing is pointless without her. After all, what is life if I have to live it alone? Do I care about doing things just for me? No. No, I don't. ******** it. That's all I can say right now. Words fail me and I'm getting tired. Good night peoples...
~Aslanemperor
Aslanemperor Community Member 
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