Every time I wake up, I think of what awaits me in this long day... It somehow makes me happy, But at the same time depressed. Sometimes I think school just takes life away, I know that we learn things there and you get to spend time with your friends and classmates... But in my case, I have none. Who Im going to laugh with? Who Im gonna tell my life to? Who will support me...? No one will. I dont fit in at my class... To be honest, I try as hard as I can to be positive, But there always something that gets in the way...Your probly asking what gets in my way... Well, Its easy... Problems, Thats what. One big problem at my school, is this girl... I had so many fights with her, That my life was probly at the edge... Sometimes I think " How come Im in this...?" I guess its probly because Im to proud of what I am, Or Probly not... Enough about my life at school, My life at home? Pretty much the same, Living with my adoptive parents, Isnt quiet a paradise or anything, There is always tense, Each day of the week... I just rather stay home and lay on bed, waiting for the time pass by... But I cant just do that... I have things in my mind, Oh How I wish I didnt had anything to do... About me? I sometimes have suicide thoughts, I dont know how it happened but there was one time in my life that I felt like killing my self, It was probly caused because what happened at school... The knifes are all locked up away from me, Just incase... I sometimes appreciate it, But there is other times, that I wish I could find atleast one knife.. Your probly thinking Im being to negative, I know. But thats how I think... I just wish things were better for me... Even if it was just for a week... I dont know how many times I been saved from death... A miracle? Perhaps. Who Knows. Why Am I writting this here? I just felt like it, Because this is how I feel everyday... But I got to admit, I sometimes feel happy when I log on Gaia, I guess its because I get to see the Amigos, They are probly the reason why Im still here...I dont know if they are reading this, But they are really important for me, I dont know what I would do with out them... I been cheered up soo many times by them, They made me smile, Especially this one person... He always made me laugh, But we have been threw sad moments to, But we were able to get out... Yup. Im probly a hard headed for never asking him for help, But hes like my guardian angel... He always cares about me, And does his best for me... If only I could pay him back everything he has done for me.... But thats Impossible, Because hes done soo much, that not even the richest person in the world could pay back for it... But, Not only him, There was other people that supported me alot, And Im really happy for it. Sometimes I think what they are doing for me is just plain useless... Why? Well, I guess thats one of my mysteries locked behind a door, That Only I have the key...
-Amy.
Community Member