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Late Night Ramblings by Tiger
So... and I don't even know why I want to type this, but I do... sometimes, I wish I could be beautiful. Well, not like super beautiful, but beautiful in my own eyes. Right now, I'd say maybe 10% of the time I feel beautiful... maybe even five. Majority of the time, I'm content with who I am. Then, every so often, come bouts of just ugh at my physical appearance. I really have to get the motivation to work out.
I want to go out west. I want to meet people. I want to meet my Nix and Dozah and Clonie. I want to do all of this sooner rather than later because who knows what tomorrow may bring? Don't you know the world is ending in 2012? But the soonest I can do this will be 2011 and that's cutting it close, don't you think?
I made smexy art for friends on Bunny's account. I'm in the 18+ thread and we had a sexy party today and it was great, so I drew it. Three of us are on a bar dancing and the fourth is obsessing over a thong, lol.
So I've decided something. People whoa are liars and attention whores on Gaia generally move from one account to the next and string people along. Really. They make different accounts because someone is "bothering" them and make a big deal of moving everything. Moreover, they usually have very rich looking avis because they are adept at getting people to send them stuff.
*huff*
Kendall got me addicted to Katamari Demacy. Damn game.
I feel like I'm in a relationship rut. I dislike this feeling, but it is there nonetheless. I think it's probably because we've been dating now for a year and a half/two years so yeah. Either way, though, we're going to break up at the end of the year (moved forward a year, lol, by Kendall) because I was Kendall's first... well, everything. And it wouldn't be right to stay together because we'd probably get married and all that jazz and then... wandering eye and "what if..." And neither of us could do that. If we're getting married, well then dammit it's forever.
That actually works for me. But on the other hand, Kendall is so sure that we will get back together because he doesn't think that there's anyone out there better for him... I'm like wtf. How can you know that? I forget how we figured it out, but there's at least 200,000 people we could potentially be with in the USA (haha) so how does he know? I mean, I think it'd be nice if we did break up, see other people, and get back together to get married with the house and the dog and the cat and the 2.5 kids (WE WILL HAVE HALF A KID DAMMIT!!!), but there is no guarantee to that happening. Hell, there is no guarantee for anything these days.
Meh. Like I said, I'm in a weird relationship mood.
Also. Sex. Let's just leave it at that.
I'm in an art mood now. People should let me draw them. Or give me art ideas. But not Icey cause she's gonna say Wings and I feel like drawing avis, not our charries ;-P
I'm ready for this year to be over. I want to be done and over with. Like, srsly. Well, at least this semester. I want to be able to be with my kids all day and ******** classes. A bad day with my kids is still better than a good day on campus.
Also. On a completely unrelated note. Up is a ******** awesome movie. I think everyone should see it and adore it. I'll bring it to you if I have to.
I wonder... in 2011, how will I see people. Will I drive out there? (*dies at the thought*) or fly, which might not work because, well, there's three states with people in them that I want to see.
People need to be online when I am. I miss talking to them.
I should sleep. I'm supposed to go see a friend tomorrow and it's almost 5 am, but y'all know me... Sleep is for the weak.
I do feel like drawing.
I also feel... discontent. Like I want something but I don't know what it is. Stupid feeling. I dunno... like I said, it's a weird relationship feeling. Like usually, I'll call Kendall because I want to talk to him, but for the past few days since break started, I haven't called him. And part of me is like "If he wants to talk to me, he'll call me." Because not talking to him isn't bothering me for some reason.
God damn it all! I need to overcome this feeling. It isn't right of me to feel this way and it isn't right of me to put Kendall through this and just GRRR! I know the reason for it too. Stupid dangerous people. Life was easier when I was single. Which hasn't been that way since before college. Daaaaaaamn o_o I feel... special. Like, even when I was single not with Jarrett, I knew I was going to get together with Kendall so it didn't really count as single.
Speaking of which... I hate the idea of hating someone you once loved. Because as I've thought before, you never stop loving them. The only way it happens is that the love can grow into hate which isn't real hate, it's hurt that just grows. But they get a piece of your heart when you love them and it's theirs forever. But Jarret... Jarrett Nicholas Thompson. I loathe him right now. It's hard for me to look back on the good times without my heart hurting and I blame him for that because he has to be such an a*****e. Nothing can ever have a middle road--one way or the other, black or white, no gray. You're either with me or against me. And that attitude is the reason we are no longer even on remote speaking terms. Because he took his moral highground one step too far and I had it. I did what I should have done but didn't want to do and cut him from my life. Permanently. I don't like that because obviously there was a reason he was in my life in the first place, but he wouldn't let that stand. So now, I almost feel like I hve a year and a half of regret to look back on.
Also, it just dawned on me on a completely unrelated note that Dozah commented that when I write about a certain someone, he thinks it's him. And I just realized I do the same thing o.o Whoa. Random moment of connection there, haha.
This entry is a lot longer than I thought it would be. Hm. How special. Whenever I scan my art I'll try and remember to put it on here. But in the meantime, here are some older pieces for everyone to enjoy biggrin
Members of a RP of mine gift art
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/Tiger_Dream2/Gaia%20Avis/scan0002-3-1.jpg]Mah Gaia Family!!
Dozah's NM Minis!
Art I doodled for Kendall in class lol
Tiger and Rywho
Tiger Christmas Avi once
Christmas Art de Icey
Christmas art de Dozah
Christmas art de WB
Christmas art de Tsuki (The umbrella was a b***h)
Christmas art de Ushi
Christmas art de Rywho
Awesome Dozah avi
Tiger avi!
My crazy Gaia family IM convo
Happy Birthday Dozah!!
Another Tiger avi
Tigah loves Dozah! (On a side note, I laugh that spell check picks up Dozah but not Tigah... Oh, now it did xD)
Ooooold Dozah avi
Oooooold Icey avi
And I think that's all I have :3
Quote: Hold your head high beautiful, people would kill to see you fall.
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