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Becca's Ramblings
You will find everything here; from stories to rants, from poetry to more rants, from funny things that happen to me to yet more rants. The possibilities are endless.
Update on me.
I'm just so mad at myself right now.
I'm in this speech & debate class, and
I can't help but remember what happened
to me this spring, when my co-op ended.
I went off the deep end.

I went for months avoiding people,
doing my best not to get attached to
the,, but in the end I gave in.
I made 'friends' (friends that have never
made contact with me again, but still).
I let myself care.
And now I'm doing it again.
WHY IN THE HELL am I doing it again?!

And I'm not being a good friend to anyone
right now, and I'm worried that the old Fable
about "he who has many friends has no friends"
might be true for me. And I'm always tired.
And I still have nightmares /every single night/.
And every sad song I hear reminds me of -him-.
(Don't know who "him" is? Don't worry about it.)

I've stopped writing - and I don't care.
I thought I knew what I was going to do
with my life ... now?

Nobody knows that I've changed so much!
I didn't even know that I'd changed like this.
Until, one day, I did.

And ... I can't stop thinking.
I shouldn't be here; I shouldn't care.
But I care.
And I hate that I care,
And I hate that I hate that I care.
If that makes sense.

And I supposedly have these newfound 'talents'
for things that I have no business doing!
Me ... a public speaker?! Ha!

So that's me in a nutshell right now.
I want to make friends with these people,
but I'm so scared. The class ends in December -
that's not far off. It took me two months to
prepare myself for the reality of the freakin'
co-op ending. And even then it wasn't enough.

Well, whatever.
Asta la bye-bye.







User Comments: [5] [add]
The-Bliss-of-Ignorance
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commentCommented on: Sat Oct 10, 2009 @ 06:47am
It all sounds stressful.
You can't do that to yourself.
Relax.
Take a breath, try and let things happen the way they are layed out, and don't be so concerned over the 'what ifs'.

Can you not keep in contact with these friends after the class ends?
Even be in other classes with them?

The nightmares, in all likelihood, are /because/ of the stress.

That saying can be true in a respect, but not if you are a friend, and they are in return. The 'friends' they speak of, I would call 'friends of convenience. They are friends because you all are there, and it will be easier to work together. We all have them.
I could say what I define as a real friend, but I am sure you have your own definition, that you know.. Try and get some good friends to hang along with, even after the class ends.

Mhm...I am tired. Did that make any sense?

Meh..anyways-

Being tired is probably from stress/the nightmares that are caused from that stress waking you up and stressing you out even more.

You could be an excellent public speaker. =P
If you want to stick with things that involve this, have at it. Push away other peoples opinions and opposition over it.

I would think you have to much on your mind to write.
When things start getting clearer for you, you may want to start again.
If so, great!
If not, then I am glad you know for sure that you don't want too, and that it gives you time to do other things you might want to do.

Mhm....I wrote alot..Most of it was out of order, and I didn't address much..not to mention the fact that most of it made no sense. ( What I wrote, not what you wrote )

Basically...just relax as best you can.


commentCommented on: Sat Oct 24, 2009 @ 05:39am
I can tell you're going through a rough patch.
But... Becca, it's really not that bad, deary.
Well, from your eyes, maybe it seems like it.
But take a look at it from a farther perspective.
For one thing, please don't be mad at yourself.
That really doesn't do anything for you, at all.
Second, I could go on for hours about 'friends.'
Which.. I just might. c:

"WHY IN THE HELL am I doing it again?!"

<3 Lo siento if you don't like what I'm about to say.
Part of life is growing up, and making friends that you probably won't see again.
For me, it's just been life. Military kids have that advantage... learning to adapt.
We have the ability to cope with moving [for me, at a lesser rate],
because most military kids are forced to move all the time.

And you know what happens?

We MOVE. To another city. Another state. Another.. country. And it sucks.
But that's part of life. People we love and care about aren't going to be there from the moment we meet them for the rest of our lives, no! They leave! And yeah, I know that sucks, too. And why are you doing it again? Because it's human nature! That's what you do when you meet new people. You find the ones that you can stand being around for a while, and.. well, sometimes they leave. Sometimes you leave. But you mean new people. You learn to adapt with new enviornments, and you meet different people. You eventually figure out what kind of people you like spending time with, and what kind of people you'd rather avoid. And it's not a waste of time, either! Don't you, or anyone else, dare to pull off a, "But then, why does it matter?" because it does matter. Meeting people you like and having them eventually leave is just a part of life. You learn lessons from the things that hurt you at first, and later on... it should just be natural. People come and people go from our lives, and really.. that's okay. It really is. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you, nor does it mean people are just stupid and need to be avoided. They really don't. It's good to meet people that will eventually leave, as weird as that sounds. You learn things from them. They may not be there when you need them the most, but then you'll have others to go to. And then you learn things from them, etc, etc.

Maybe you disagree with that, and that's okay... but any military brat that's lived overseas would know. Plus, don't these children have email or something? Just ask them for it or something. It's not like it will sound strange or awkward or anything - it's just a way of keeping in touch. So.. then you would hear from them again, even if it's only for one last time. [And if the messages eventually die away, and friendship starts to fade... That's okay as well, Becca. That's just life.]

We need people in our lives, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Meeting new people and making new friends is what most people should be doing, anyways. The same old people get annoying - think of your family, and that's what it would be like. You'd have to agree that life would get pretty boring from one time or another if there weren't other people there that kept your life on the fun end. And when some people leave, then you meet new ones! : ) It's an on-going cycle. And it's completely normal.

"...and I'm worried that the old Fable
about 'he who has many friends has no friends'
might be true for me."


That fable sucks, by the way.<3
Because though that might be true for some foofoo puffy-headed people, that's not true for everyone. You're a good person, and you have us as friends. Just because you have a lot of friends doesn't mean all of them aren't good ones. That just means.. that you have a lot of friends. Which isn't a bad thing. And even then, you do still have those few truly good friends in the middle of all of them. And even closer to you, there is your family, who you should be able to go to about anything. And I know that may not be the case for some people, and maybe you feel that what I'm saying isn't exactly how it runs for you, but... that's just what I've seen from most people~ even the popular bubble-headed ones.

As for the nightmares... I agree with Ian. You're probably just stressed.
I can't really give much on that; you're the one who's in control of your stress.
Oh, but I'm just going to add this one extra thing about stress:
It's just an emotion. You can control it. Just like you can control being happy, etc.
[And yes, you can control your emotions.
Not saying that it's the most healthy thing if you do it all the time,
but if you're feeling extremely stressed... Ian was right about that as well,
just give yourself time to sit back and relax, and not worry about anything.]

/Him/. Dear, we all have boy problems.
It's just part of being a girl.
It'll be fine; he is just a boy.
Don't spend time worry about him too much;
it's really not worth it in the end. Believe me.
He's probably just adding to your stress.
And at this point, I'm just repeating what you know.

On to the next subject.

You've stopped writing; have you asked yourself why?
That's fine; our likes and dislikes, what we enjoy/don't enjoy...
Those kinds of things change from time to time.
One day we want to be a psychiatrist, the next we want to be a teacher.
People have said that there are so many job opportunities for us to take,
and that's true. There are so many things that we can be now,
and the average American can change what they want to do every once in while.
Just keep being the smart girl that you are.

Everything will fall into place if you do that. Trust me on that as well.

Change is a part of life as well! Especially for teenagers.
We're changing all the time, and we don't realize it.
I, for one, am definitely not the small 6th grader you guys originally knew me as.
Change is inevitable; we just have to grasp what's been given to us,
and learn to live with the things we have. Most of the time, it's really not bad at all.

Never, EVER, hate that you care about something.
There's no reason for it -- it just adds to your stress.
It's fine that care you whatever it is you're caring about;
that's just you being you. Which is the most you can do.
[I should rap the rest of this, yo. 8D ..Not really.]

That's all I have for those two things; I don't know if that really solved anything.

Talents are talents! Take them with pride!
You have every business to do things that you're able to do.
Don't hold yourself back from anything.
Public speaking may end up being what you love the most.
Do what you love, and love what you do. It's simple as that.
Don't close out anything that you have to do just yet;
you have to keep your mind wide-open to the world.
There's so much out there that you can do,
if only you just gave it all a chance. Really; it's fun.

And another thing that I just want to add - don't be afraid of failing. Failing just means you gave it your hardest, but still have things to work towards. Life would be oh-so boring if we were good at everything from the moment we crawled out of our mother's wombs.

Again with the friends thing - don't be afraid to make new friends, either.
Keep in mind everything I wrote about them before.

I feel like some horoscope for the day or something.

You don't have to listen to me; in fact, you shouldn't.
Go and find everything out by yourself!
The only way you can truly learn is through experience.
This is just what I've learned from mine.
So just consider what I've said, and in a general aspect,
"Take it from someone who's been there."

Well, I know I've said a lot, so here's just what I'm basically trying to say:
Take it easy, and Ian's right about relaxing.
Just do what you know you love do to,
and everything will fall in to place,
even if it may take a while.

I love you, Becca-dearest.^^
&I hope I've helped some,
even if it's just the slightest.



Fancy This Vexxie
Community Member
Fancy This Vexxie
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sat Oct 24, 2009 @ 05:51am
Oh, s**t. You wrote this a long time ago.

._. Oops.


commentCommented on: Sat Oct 24, 2009 @ 08:31pm
xDD
You guys are awesome.

That's okay, Vexx. I had gotten over most of everything I wrote here,
but I have a feeling I'll need to go back to your comment some time
in the future. I tend to revisit my little things like that.

Please don't think I'm that shallow and petty all the time. D=
I'm usually not. I considered deleting the entry about 20 minutes
after I wrote it. Maybe less, it's been a while. But then I figured
"why bother?", because I'd only go and write something just as
petty the next time I get feeling sorry for myself. I know me.
If there's already something up that is that pathetic, I'll reason
that there is no need to write anything else. Thus I reduce wasted time.
=D

Actually, you know what? I am that petty all the time.
You're right, and I'm sorry. ^^ Love you too.



Only Becca
Community Member
Fancy This Vexxie
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sun Oct 25, 2009 @ 04:13am
Nahh, I understand.^^;
I used to do that too, only it was a lot more... whiny. And complainingish.
So I stopped because I didn't want to bother people with it.
<3 But posting something every once in a while isn't bad.
You just get those crazylong comments from people like me. lol. :/


User Comments: [5] [add]
 
 
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