I'm just so mad at myself right now.
I'm in this speech & debate class, and
I can't help but remember what happened
to me this spring, when my co-op ended.
I went off the deep end.
I went for months avoiding people,
doing my best not to get attached to
the,, but in the end I gave in.
I made 'friends' (friends that have never
made contact with me again, but still).
I let myself care.
And now I'm doing it again.
WHY IN THE HELL am I doing it again?!
And I'm not being a good friend to anyone
right now, and I'm worried that the old Fable
about "he who has many friends has no friends"
might be true for me. And I'm always tired.
And I still have nightmares /every single night/.
And every sad song I hear reminds me of -him-.
(Don't know who "him" is? Don't worry about it.)
I've stopped writing - and I don't care.
I thought I knew what I was going to do
with my life ... now?
Nobody knows that I've changed so much!
I didn't even know that I'd changed like this.
Until, one day, I did.
And ... I can't stop thinking.
I shouldn't be here; I shouldn't care.
But I care.
And I hate that I care,
And I hate that I hate that I care.
If that makes sense.
And I supposedly have these newfound 'talents'
for things that I have no business doing!
Me ... a public speaker?! Ha!
So that's me in a nutshell right now.
I want to make friends with these people,
but I'm so scared. The class ends in December -
that's not far off. It took me two months to
prepare myself for the reality of the freakin'
co-op ending. And even then it wasn't enough.
Well, whatever.
Asta la bye-bye.
I'm in this speech & debate class, and
I can't help but remember what happened
to me this spring, when my co-op ended.
I went off the deep end.
I went for months avoiding people,
doing my best not to get attached to
the,, but in the end I gave in.
I made 'friends' (friends that have never
made contact with me again, but still).
I let myself care.
And now I'm doing it again.
WHY IN THE HELL am I doing it again?!
And I'm not being a good friend to anyone
right now, and I'm worried that the old Fable
about "he who has many friends has no friends"
might be true for me. And I'm always tired.
And I still have nightmares /every single night/.
And every sad song I hear reminds me of -him-.
(Don't know who "him" is? Don't worry about it.)
I've stopped writing - and I don't care.
I thought I knew what I was going to do
with my life ... now?
Nobody knows that I've changed so much!
I didn't even know that I'd changed like this.
Until, one day, I did.
And ... I can't stop thinking.
I shouldn't be here; I shouldn't care.
But I care.
And I hate that I care,
And I hate that I hate that I care.
If that makes sense.
And I supposedly have these newfound 'talents'
for things that I have no business doing!
Me ... a public speaker?! Ha!
So that's me in a nutshell right now.
I want to make friends with these people,
but I'm so scared. The class ends in December -
that's not far off. It took me two months to
prepare myself for the reality of the freakin'
co-op ending. And even then it wasn't enough.
Well, whatever.
Asta la bye-bye.
Community Member
You can't do that to yourself.
Relax.
Take a breath, try and let things happen the way they are layed out, and don't be so concerned over the 'what ifs'.
Can you not keep in contact with these friends after the class ends?
Even be in other classes with them?
The nightmares, in all likelihood, are /because/ of the stress.
That saying can be true in a respect, but not if you are a friend, and they are in return. The 'friends' they speak of, I would call 'friends of convenience. They are friends because you all are there, and it will be easier to work together. We all have them.
I could say what I define as a real friend, but I am sure you have your own definition, that you know.. Try and get some good friends to hang along with, even after the class ends.
Mhm...I am tired. Did that make any sense?
Meh..anyways-
Being tired is probably from stress/the nightmares that are caused from that stress waking you up and stressing you out even more.
You could be an excellent public speaker. =P
If you want to stick with things that involve this, have at it. Push away other peoples opinions and opposition over it.
I would think you have to much on your mind to write.
When things start getting clearer for you, you may want to start again.
If so, great!
If not, then I am glad you know for sure that you don't want too, and that it gives you time to do other things you might want to do.
Mhm....I wrote alot..Most of it was out of order, and I didn't address much..not to mention the fact that most of it made no sense. ( What I wrote, not what you wrote )
Basically...just relax as best you can.