It's a big week for evolving items! We've got a new one out this week, the Classilke, plus the first evolution of Lyndexer's Journal. Nano-C is reaching its finale this week, and we've got updates to the Nartian Rock, Yemaya's Pearl and Diapered Egg.
You can grab a first-generation Classilke now in the Cash Shop, or any of these other fantastic items!
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Read on for the full report, in which the long-suffering Timmy faces a shocking decision that could change his life forever...
Dr. Singh: Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, ladies and gents! I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my sidekick Timmy. As you can see, he's been grotesquely disfigured by a rare glandular condition called megapuberty, and he's a little lost in his thoughts this week... Edmund gave us some shocking news about the condition, but maybe we'd better save that for the end of the show.
Timmy: Take me out... to a place... where there is light...
Dr. Singh: Timmy! Turn those headphones down.
Timmy: Oh, sorry, Doc! I was just stewin' in my own misery, but I guess I can save that for later.
Dr. Singh: We've got a lot of ground to cover today, including a brand-new item! Have you guys had a look at the intriguing new Classilke yet? Only time will tell what will come of this ultra-fine silk bundle, but I'm guessing it'll be elegant as heck. You can grab a first-generation Classilke now in the Cash Shop!
Timmy: Maybe once this megapuberty business is over, I can be elegant too. I'm gonna start wearing sixteen-hole boots and a big huge pompadour, like my idol...
Dr. Singh: What? What sort of an idol has a pompadour? Anyway, in other new item news, one of our latest releases is seeing its first changes this week: Lyndexer's Journal is revealing the classy costumes of its heroic origins with this evolution, and we can be certain that many more great things are still to come.
Timmy: Hold on a second, Doc, I just wanna finish listening to this song...
Dr. Singh: Oh, goodness, he's probably listening to that awful "My Switchblade Bride" CD again, or something... I guess we'll just have to go on without him. So, yes: little Kink, the style-conscious alien inside the Nartian Rock, has transcended mere style and is now going galactic! Please note that the next Nartian Rock evolution will be three weeks from today-- Kink's gotta wind down a little after all this madness. As usual, we've got a lovely new mini-comic from the item's artist:
Click for the full-sized image!
Timmy: I knew last night... that nobody loved me... no hope for happiness...
Dr. Singh: Timmy, stop that terrible singing! Oh, but speaking of love: the Diapered Egg has a delightful update this week, with more passionate poses to enjoy. See, Timmy? Life isn't all gloom!
Timmy: In a lonely underpass... oh, will love find me at last?
Dr. Singh: Well, he seems to be lost in some kind of reverie of angst, so I'll leave him alone. We've also got a lovely update to Yemaya's Pearl, once again chock-full of aquatic wonders and deep-sea treats. We've saved some big news for last: the fantastic Nano-C is reaching its finale! it's got some wickedly destructive new technologies available, plus the unlocking of all its previous firmware. We'd better keep it away from Timmy-- he just loves pressing buttons on dangerous equipment.
Timmy: Huh? What's that about the Nano-C? Can I mess with it?
Dr. Singh: How nice of you to join us, Timmy. The show's over. You were too busy listening to that... "emu" whatever.
Timmy: Oh, no, Doc. This isn't emu music. I found something even more potent in its distilled misery.
Dr. Singh: Oh no, Timmy... don't tell me it's...
Timmy: That's right. It's Borrissey.
Dr. Singh: Timmy, no! Not Borrissey! I understand that your megapuberty to difficult to cope with, but this is not the answer. I experimented with Borrissey in my own youth, and let me tell you, his music is too powerfully bleak for your tiny mind to handle.
Timmy: You don't understand, Doc. Borrissey speaks to me. He knows what it's like to be horrible.
Dr. Singh: Well, Timmy, have you given any consideration to what Edmund told you about your megapuberty? You'll have to make a life-changing decision soon, and-- oh, wait, I suppose the people at home don't know about Timmy's tragic choice... should we tell them, Timmy?
Timmy: Sure, I guess I don't care...
Dr. Singh: Ladies and gentlemen, Edmund has informed us that the megapuberty is racking Timmy's weakened system so severely that he'll somehow have to arrest the puberty process entirely... which means that he faces a difficult decision.
Timmy: I'm gonna either have to revert back to childhood or skip puberty entirely and become a grown-up!
Dr. Singh: Either way, Timmy will surely suffer from terrible psychological consequences... either he'll be a child in an adult's body, or he'll grow old in the stunted body of a child! It's not a decision to be taken lightly... but we don't have all day, Timmy, so please decide now.
Timmy: But... Doc! I'm not ready! I need to think on it for a while! Oh, if only Borrissey were here to guide me.
Dr. Singh: Come on. Everyone's waiting.
Timmy: I can't decide this alone... only Borrissey truly understands me. I wonder what Borrissey would do? Borrissey would probably write a brooding opus about the pain of youth...
Dr. Singh: Well, I can see we're not going to get anywhere with this at the moment, folks, so we'd better call it a night. Feel free to lend Timmy your advice about his difficult life decision in the forums, and remember to vote in our weekly evolving item poll. Goodnight!
Timmy: You go and you dance all alone... and you cry all alone...
Dr. Singh: Shut up! rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl
o0-HiddeN-NinjA-0o Community Member 
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