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I woke up to realize I made a terrible mistake yesterday... I went against my own belief under the pressure of someone whos judgement i thought i could trust...

i cried looking at myself... i hated myself so much.... but the mirror showed truth... it was already too late........ a nightmare i had written about became true

i swore to myself i wouldnt cut my hair short again

in the nightmare i woke up in a sweat checking if it were still there

so why why why WHY!? why did i choose a wrong over what i knew was right for me?

i have a burning urge to shave off whats left..... maybe turning it back into what is was is better than the repulsing thing it is now......... even though it wouldnt represent myself as i am now.... changed...
but who knows how much more that will set me back.... so now i suffer...... waiting.... to regain what i had lost....

why....

because i wanted them to be happy.... they wanted it so bad...... THEY WOULDNT LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT

so i did it... and i could feel it within me..... coming from somewhere... something that caused me to flail in anger in my sleep.... i had so much hate i didnt know what i would do the next morning...... so when i woke up... i stood there looking at myself... and cried...

now look what theyve done....... theyve destroyed what little i had pride in.... so i cried... they watch me cry.... now no one can be happy.......... but i bet anything... they wont change....

i already have.... by these words... i will never go against what i believe is right for myself... i will stand firm against any pressure....

this is the only way i can move forward... for the sake of my own happiness...