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Now, beyond this point lies the truth, and only the truth. There are no lies.


It all started with me. I've always been very cynical and untrusting.

Then along came this boy named... Usagi. *This is his nickname. I am using it to protect him.*

He was my first friend and with time, I learned to actually trust him. He was the first I trusted, also.

For a wonderful eight years, we were inseperable. The best of friends. People found it amazing it never got awkward between us.

Really, it never did. From a point very early on in our friendship, we decided we were going to be brother and sister. And it has always remained that way.

Then came the horrible year of 2009. It started just like any other year, we were spending New Years together. But February...

February is my least favorite month, by far. Mostly because within it is that disgusting holiday called Valentine's Day.

All was fine... for a while.

At the begining of February Usagi announced to me he was going out with another girl. I pretended to be happy for him, but inside, I was not. It's not that I'm jealous, it's that I'm...afraid.

Ever since he became by best, and one of my only, friends, I have been extremely afraid of being alone in the world. And I've had experience with the situation of him going out with some girl. He unknowingly ignores me more that I wish, and I feel so alone.

But this time, it wasn't so bad. At first.

He started getting extremely angry at me very quickly. Usagi was usually very calm and patient.

Next week Tuesday... February 10th... is when my whole life crashed violently.

Usagi didn't talk to me. I attempted to get his attention and talk to him several times throughout the day... nothing. Like I didn't exist. I was invisible to him.

Why? WHY? I don't know, he won't tell me.

And today is March 7th. 25 days without face-to-face contact with my best friend.

"Face-to-face" I bet you're pondering over. Let me elaborate. At first, he answered some of my texts. But the only thing I got out of him were insults to me. I was called 'pathetic', 'a moron' and everything in between.

But now... nothing. A note I attempted to give him was ripped and thrown in the garbage can without being opened. Texts I sent him were left unanswered.

I'm left as a pathetic, broken....thing. My few other friends have attempted to get me to forget about him... But I find it impossible. They don't know what It's like to have one person as your entire life, like Usagi was to me. There was no one else extremely important to me. I'm sorry to say this to my other friends, but it's true.

Everything I look at or think of reminds me of him in one way or another. And it hurts... so much.

People don't understand that, either. When I say "It hurts."

I have no logical way to explain this... but I will try up to my best ability.

Do you know what it feels like when someone very close to you dies? Like a family member? You get a pain inside you, at your heart. And every time you think of that lost one, the pain increases.

That's the type of pain I have every day of my life. A painful ache within my heart. Some days it hurts more than others. Some days I lie to my mother so I can stay home and cry all day.

And does Usagi care if I'm in so much pain I stay home and cry? He used to... But not anymore.

I miss him so much at this point, I text him and send him e-mails, and pretend I get some back. I don't let people sit next to me at lunch or during my art class, because I pretend that Usagi's still sitting there. I know he's not... but it helps slightly.

And I've reached the point where every dream I have includes him in one way or another...




This is the end. I would love to hear what the Gaians think. Advice, sympathy, or scorn is allowed. I don't care.

-Neko