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Prepare for a rant now, because i have to get it out in this way.

understand that for the last ******** time, i am NOT getting into your business!! i do not ask you what he does to you, or how badlt he hurts you, or what you are doing about it or can do about it, or how long it will hav eto last, or any of that, despite the fact that every minute of every day my imagination runs wild with what could be happening. and i keep out of it because i respect you and care about youan dknow that you are strong. but tsill i know that as much as you deny it he has you completely under his control. because he has made you sing. and he makes you do even th simplest things. and because he is convincing you to keep blaming me and distrusting me, as if he even knows who i am, or is anyone better to believe! and i know you don't believe that me dealing with miro is my business, but it is. it is my business to kill someone who has made even deeper the bullshit you are convincing yourself of, destroying any friendship we have left. and here is how it is:

even if he has not yet done harm to them, my kids are around him and he could change his mind any time and i'd not be able to do anything about it. but still farther is what is ha sto do with my relationship with you.

he is coming in here at just a time when tensions are high and distrust is rampant between us. solidifying a bunch of bullshit in your mind about me! and let me break thi down farther becaus ei hav eto get into the whole goddamned list from th ******** beginning!

back before any of this s**t happened we were good friends, with a close father-daughter relationship. and i was happy, and i wanted to make you happy. then came the day you wanted to help relieve me of some tension i had and i was shocked. because frankly, i was disturbed by the idea. i honestly thought of you as a daughter. the more you spoke of it the more turned on i got, the more tempting it was, and when i succumbed it was delicious, i loved every minute of it. and you proffessed that you had been developing feelings for a while before this. you also told me about your impossible boyfriend of the time and i seeked to help with that, only for it to not work. and you wante dto be with me. i was uncertain at first, because i knew that every time before that i'd try to be in a committed relationship it only ended up in pain for everyone involved, but i wanted so badly to believe that i could fall for you and be yours alone. that i could get over skuld through my love for you. and i couldn't. and there you seemed so hurt by that. you gave me a choice to go if it would make me happy, but that you'd be so suicidally depressed. and do not think that fo me to stay with you was a pity-date, because i truely did love you, and would enjoy being with you as long as it mad eyou happy and that i still could have my wandering ways. you said then that as long as you didn't have to hear about it it could be that way, though you have recently told me that this was the point where you didn't care anymore, that you wer eonly saying yes at the time to make me happy. i look back now and see that that is bulshit, because every time ANY possibility of us breaking up would happen you went back to suicidal depression again. moving on.

from that point we seemed to be so happy. you claimed recently that you wer faking it for me, which hurt fo ryou to say, because i know that you could have at any time just told th truth about that and we'd have a happier relationship without it. but even all th etime i know now that you lied about even seeing me as a dad. it was ever since back at the first time we had (not even officialy) gotten together that you'd stopped seeing me that way but told me you still did! anyway, here we were seeming ok and you lied.

later on the troubles started happening. you would get angry with me out of the blue, and i'd not be able to figure out what i did wrong. you'd always tell me that i don't understand you and that that's what's wrong, which for one doesn't make sense, and for two, how can i understand you if you never ******** TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT YOU!? but all that time i kept blaming myself, because you HAD to have SOME reason, right? and i trusted you, so i thought you had a good reason. nope, you were just blamng me for the pain that you brought on both of us with your lies.

and here is the worse part. still through ALL of that, though you have recently claimed to have not cared about the relationship since the beggining, any time ANYTHING would happen to threaten it you'd become suicidally depressed. and whenever i were to warn you of derik and how he's PROVEN on NUMEROUS occaisions that he was a dangerous element to thi relationship, you'd only get angrier at me, and then not explain anything. it wa salways my fault to you. because everything is my fault, when all i am trying to do is the best i can to make us both happy.

and still, you blame me. you still distrust me. you liken me to that bird trace. you accuse me of putting you down, and abusing you, and so on. as if i am enslaving you and tking away your freedoms. you are denying YOURSELF freedoms, and then blaming me for it becaus eyou do that in your so called attempts to make me happy! DO I LOOK ******** HAPPY TO YOU!?

and the fact of the matter is... it's true, i can't trust you anymore. i should be angry. i should be furious. i shouldn't still care about you. why i still love you and care baout you is beyond me, but i still do. but i don't trust you anymore. so whenever you get the chance, tell me the whole truth, through and through, no lies, no dodging the questions, none of that! but you also have to convince me to believe you.