Today just didn't go as planned I guess...It started out great. Just a normal day having fun at school with my friends. I auditioned today for the school musical...I ended up going with "Some Kind Of Miracle" I only sang the second verse...I felt really confident about it. And I know i did better than some of the other people that tried out...saying that makes me feel like a terrible person...I just hate myself...Why would I even say something like that? I'm just trying to make myself seem better than everyone else...but I know there are people out there who are better than me...There are alot of people who are better than me...And they don't brag, Why do I feel the need to brag? I just want to punch myself >.<
Somehow I've managed to completely forget that Valentine's day is coming up...I guess I've been trying to block it...Valentine's day is the worst holiday when you're alone...And I'm always alone...Gah...I've been acting like this all night...Lately I've been seeing all my friends happy having someone else...knowing that they're not going to be alone on Valentine's day...I wish I could just skip Valentine's day this year...just sleep the day away unfortunately I have to work that day >.< And i'm going to be seeing happy couples coming into the resteraunt all day having a good time and loving each other, It just breaks my heart. I have an epiphany earlier this evening, well, idk if you'd really call it that...I just realized to myself that, When I'm alone, or have nobody to crush on...I'm happy, because I don't have to worry about impressing someone or trying to impress them or anything like that...But i'm extremely lonely. But, on the other hand, When i do have a crush on someone...I'm happy again, because it gives me a reason to wake up and get ready in the morning, knowing that i'll be going to see them...But it's even worse when I'm not with them...and knowing that I'm probably not the first person on their mind when they wake up in the morning. Either way I'm alone and miserable...
I've been listening to sad songs all day...at first not even realizing it. But it wasn't until I was at the bowling alley today and actually sat down and listened to the songs taht I was making myself sadder...
Ok...I think that that might be it for tonight...
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My name is Kaylin, yes, adore it.