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Terrible Truths
Today is a terrible day. I know it's only 8 a.m., but this day is much like yesterday. It's not that the day itself is bad... it's really all in my mind. Ever since what happened just a little while ago, things are different. The most odd thing is the healing process. I have always known "get the injury, hurt very badly, and gradually get better everyday." However, this injury is different. One day I will be perfectly fine - the day may go badly and I may be upset about something that day, but I'm not drowned in sorrow, depression, guilt, or paranoia. Then there are days I roll out of bed and all I see is the past - that couple of weeks. They rush through my head and I close my eyes to rid myself of the images. It's terrible. The only hint of happiness I find is in thoughts of my love and being in his arms. I cannot look at my own reflection because I know my hatred will burn inside me, whether for myself of for another. I wish that I could take it all back, rewind and recognize the signs and emotions, make it all a horrid nightmare instead of the terrible reality it is. I don't want to keep doing this. I see the pain in my love's eyes every time we speak of it. I don't want to hurt him, but should we pretend truth isn't truth? Are we to lie and build our relationship on that? He says he wants to know me intimately, and he makes sure I know that speaking terrible truths is part of that. He never hates me for doing what I did, but I know that it will haunt him till he is lowered into his grave. I do wish I was in a coma today, but I know that tomorrow will be better.
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