|
Day... uh... well 72 I guess.... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, my first day here, but it's been 72 days since Charlie's passed.... I absolutely hate my aunt and uncle. Yes, I agree karma would be excellent. What goes around come around. You kill someone, you get killed, too. Haha death penalty. The thing that's the worst about this all is that they won't be penalized because they blamed Charlie's death on his diabetes, kidney failure, and burned his body to hide the evedence. I now hold the ashes, they're on my beuro, and it feels nice to have Charlie near, even though some might think it odd or creepy. I'm surrounded by death and distuction, so it doesn't bother me to have him in my room. But once he died, all numbness of the fear went away, and I broke down. It still hurts to think of that night he died, the night of my birthday, seeing him all beaten up and wheezing for breath. He asked me to tell his girlfriend on here, and told me to take care of his body, and-- I don't realy want to think about it all too much, but when he gasped his final breath, wheezing in and slowly out... he... well he whispered her name.... I hadn't understood why she was so important to him, since he hadn't really met her. But I myself have fallen in love, and now I understand. The poor girl, I'm somewhat happy she doesn't believe. Once reality kicks in, oh the pain is unbearable. It hurts like a burning knife through your heart. Like black paint has been thrown ontop of the invisible barrier of your life, so the sun no longer shines through. Love seems like an impossibility at this point, though it may be your only savior. It just seems like it though. It's possible to still fall in love in deep depression. He can be a rope thrown to you, or he can chip away the paint, ever so slowly.... Well, I've gotten off track here. Anyway, this is day one in my journal leave a comment if you may, but i doubt anyone will read this.
 ayoxamy · Sat Jan 03, 2009 @ 08:42pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
