The first book I'd like to review.
First, it ain't about vampires. Vampires aren't prissy little asses who drink animal blood. Facts can be found in textbooks.
Lemme list all the problems..
1. She did no research at all. Hell, Bram Stoker did research. He spent FIVE YEARS doing research. A simple FIVE MINUTES would've given her enough information to write a sensible book, not a Disney-esque thing.
2. Everyone's a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu. Except for maybe Jacob, who actually shows some despair and emotion without overdoing it.
3. Bella goes to school. She's clumsy but loveable. When have I ever seen THAAAAT before? High School Musical? Hmm..
4. You don't go to school and automatically have more than TWO GUYS wanting to screw you. If they do, you need to stay away. They just want to 'get in yer pants'
5. So, Bella'd rather die then not be with someone who's obviously been a ***** since he turned 50 and looked the same, and also appears to be openly abusive.
-He took parts from her car
-Doesn't let her do anything, he has to do it for her
-Watches her at night
-Prevents her from seeing family and friends.
Yeah, Bella. If you're sensible, you'd call the hotline.
6. Wolfman never had a problem with Dracula so why do they fight now? Plus, it's just a shapeshifter and a sparkly sanguine-addicted dude, so what pissed them off enough to fight so much?
Godzilla and Frankenstien's monster should teach them to get along like they used too!
7. Every few paragraphs is about how hot he is. She likes him because he's hot, he likes her because she smells good.
8. So..why are people after her? Just because she tastes good? Any OTHER reasons? Like..is she going to grow up to be the next Van Helsing, or was she the fifth son of Montague Summers..? Just because she tastes good. Wow. Ever considered a little something called a restraining order?
Here's paranormal SuperGeek Taylor's point of view.
-Vampires are associated with lust. Like, stuff that they'd ban you for if you posted it.
-Vampires take pain in the sunlight, or it just burns.
-Vampires cannot kill themselves by jumping in front of a car. Compiling a list of facts, I decided to list the most often-noted ways.
Get a young male horse. It's hide must be 'as black as the blackest ocean'
Ride the horse through the graveyard. It will not pass over one grave.
Summon additional friends. You're gonna need help.
Start digging. Do this in light.
1. Stake through the heart. White Thorn(an acacia tree, Acacia Constrictica) is suggested, as it is supposedly good material. Pound it in with a hammer.
2. Cut off the head. It worked in Dracula and it'll work for you.
3. For safe measures, put garlic everywhere. Garlic juice, garlic bits, just throw it everywhere. And put a few onions in there just in case.
4. If you've got money to burn, go on Ebay and try to find a Vampire Killing Kit. They sold in Eastern Europe(Transylvania, too!) during the 1800s. If you get one, get me one too!
Femme Autobot Crescendo Community Member 
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