play the notes
like they mean something.
play them
like there's no tomorrow.
rejoice in them
for when they're gone,
they're gone.
Here I am-
nothing.
So many things
have
are
will
could
go wrong.
There's not a lot to do about them.
I want to live-
but my soul is asleep.
It will wake up one day,
only to realize how awesome
this life is,
but also how
utterly devastating
it can also be.
Sometimes I wonder...
Zach,
I am not ready to say an entire,
life-long,
forever and ever
goodbye
to you.
I will,
eventually.
You are merely sport-
but a painful one,
at that.
I have many other things
to think of besides
things that will never happen.
I wish for a duet.
I feel like Rutherford.
His life sucks.
More than mine.
Then again,
he doesn't have the same situations
as I.
I listen to the same songs
twenty times over.
They are beautiful.
They have no words-
no bias by which they are
ruined by mood.
Now what?
What will happen?
I don't understand...
please,
somebody,
help.
help me,
please.
I don't know how.
Just help......
I will be oblivious to it
if confronted.
Find a loophole,
find a niche
where you can bury the seed
to help.
Wing it.
Laugh.
Live.
Love.
My fingers hesitate...
they don't know what to do.
Their master does not know,
either.
I wish for release
in the form of
skills which I do not possess.
But when I get them,
it will not be enough.
I will not realize my own power.
Making me only wish for more.
I wish for love.
Someone who can stand my mood swings,
someone who won't care about the less-than-pretty side of me.
who don't treat me like my parents and classmates,
who will respect me,
but won't be afraid to goof off,
either.
who knows.....
we shall see
in the end
who wins this pawn race
for nothing.
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just watch me.
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