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why!!!
oh my god this is so crap. this is not the life i was expecting to have and my family wonders why i'm like this. you know i am so done with it all bull. i want to just.... you know i could i could just end this. i mean this is not the life that i chose.. why they say there is a careing and understanding god well if he's so careing and understanding why is my life like this? why i don't even understand why people are like this. or why people like me love me and want me to be with them. but i know i cant leave the people that need me that's the only thing that's keeping me going i don't know why i stay so strong. well accually i'm not that strong. i mean i can't help my friends. although i wish that i could take all there pain and transfer them in all my body. i would rather suffer than have them suffer. they are such good people. and they don't deserve this they don't deserve to have the pain that they have. i wish i could just hold them take there pain. i can take it. i knew i could i want the best for all of my friends. especially my tas homes and my pixie. they have been there for me every step of the way... and you know if there was more people that were like them the world would be a better place to be in. they deserve the best they can get. all though for me i wish the same thing you know but i just can't stand seeing there pain. when they are hurt i can'tbelieve it and i think and ask myself why them? why do you have to target them? what did they do to deserve this? and they didn't do anything. i wonder if this is a test to see how long they can hold? see if they can take is. is this a game.. anyways. my friend brian got hit by a car yesterday. he's alive i hope.. he's in a coma and... i can't take it... i just want it to be over. but god won't let me die. no matter how hard i try it'll never work.... so i just thought.. might as well stop tryin. i want to be.. a photographer. but that might never happen because all my life thing's haven't ever worked for me. my mom was tooken from me. my family hates me. and my boyfriend who claims to love me but is never there to accually test it. i wish i could.. i want love i want a life free of emotional complications. but when you live on the earthyou learn that you don't ever get what you want. and i've come to except that fact, it'll never be in the cards for me. i'm never going to have nice things cause that's just how my life is. well that's today wow it's long well i have to say t least one happy thing.. well my cat she accually fell asleep on me. and she was so cute. this was so cute a friend gave me the site and i found this kitty!!!
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