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Mostly just dreams now

Posted by: On Your Six Tue Oct 11, 2005 @ 09:45pm

Thank you whomever keeps sending me stuff off my wishlist! heart

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Katane
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Commented on: Tue Oct 11, 2005 @ 09:58pm


	I like the story so far, it's a very good introduction. But for some reason the punctuation came out all funny, there's a ton of question marks.

Commented on: Tue Oct 11, 2005 @ 10:04pm


	...aww. I hate word. pout I shall do my best to fix<3

On Your Six
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Axioma
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Commented on: Wed Oct 12, 2005 @ 08:26pm


	No errors here. You either fixed it all already, or mine just doesn't show 'em. I concur with Katane in that the story is quite immersive indeed.

Commented on: Sun Oct 16, 2005 @ 03:52am

Westonian
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Oblivionic
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Commented on: Tue Oct 18, 2005 @ 03:20am


	Decent beginning. Perhaps describe the scenery in a more flavorful way. Other than that, good dialogue, effective character descriptions, and brilliant imagery... keep it coming! heart

Commented on: Wed Oct 19, 2005 @ 07:07pm


	I like it a lot so far. I don't really have anything to remark on or anything that needs to be changed. It works well as a prologue (though if the two girls won't be appearing again, then perhaps that much focus on them wouldn't have been necessary - plus, if our protagonist is also the narrator, we know from the start that she'll survive whatever happens, though that's not really a big issue) and I'm looking forward to the rest.

Deep Vermillion
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