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Now she has stalked my nights. Her suggestion, and that view of her that she gave me, where she was in pain and i could not help, turned into a nightmare. I awoke to find my hand at my throat, and have found the very same hand fingering it absentmindedly. That is a terrible nightmare, because... she dies...
I cannot take the thought of a life without her. Hell, I cant think of a day without her. I have passed love. I am obsessed to see her happy. But... she still fears me. That... is like a knife in my chest. I can barely sustain that pain, that torment. The knowledge that she loves, that she trusts me... but cannot stop fearing me. She is not even comfortable to be alone with me yet. I CANNOT TAKE THIS!
If not for seeing her happy I would take my life without a second thought. This pain is like nothing I have felt before. Forcing myself to hold my love, knowing, actually, no, HOPING that she will one day come closer... I ask myself often if I can hold out. And i dont know why i am weakening. every day, I am getting more tired. Every day, I am getting more distracted. Again, I return to my theory. Love is a curse. I am beginning to hate it again.