urg I feel sick... for several reasons.
I was (yet again) trying to access part of my brain today that has not yet developed so it hurts like heck...
I just burst out in tears today when I was practicing piano for absolutely no reason.
I was just looking in the market for stuff that I can get with my newly- acquired gold (wootness 5000 from iraty!! whee ) and when I looked at all the stuff that I wanted that I could get, I felt sick because I only have enough gold for one of those items...
All I've had to eat today was really spicy chicken strips and lots 'n lots of jellybeans from last night (yay leftovers!) so my stomach is yelling at me.
Tomorrow I have to play lots of songs for church... can't believe that Becky and Jan can do this so often... gonk then again I've only had about half (or less) of their piano playing years, so yeah... I felt like a complete fool every time I practiced the songs tonight because, quite frankly, when it comes to sight-reading, I suck. Like majorly. Like to the point I want to leave the room in tears because I can't figure it out the first time like everyone else. So Becky and Jan get only about 3 days to practice their songs (which is about twice the amount of what I'm gonna help with) for Sunday, and they (at least Becky) can do it really really good. Here I am with a full week under my belt and I still suck at the songs.
Also some other things have been... I dunno. emo I have horrible time management, so I'm terribly behind on all sortsa projects that I've been meaning to do... like avi art for people, zOMG!, and some art stuff, along with my jazz band music (which I still don't have quite down... sweatdrop ).
I took a 6 hour nap today, so I don't really want to go to bed, but I'll probably end up getting up at around 6 or 6:30 tomorrow anyways... its about quarter after 11 now...
Ok I just really wanna grow up and get the heck outta this place NOW. I'm sick of all the people here, the stereotypes, and all that fun crap that people pretend to care about but really don't. Even so, I know it's the same way all across the globe, but at least it'll be more indirect, more able to hide from or deal with. Now its just like IN.YOUR.FACE. and its quite irritating... stare I also want a brand-new slate on which to finish drawing the rest of my life. Some people have written on it in sharpie, which I wish they hadn't done...
I CANNOT wait for Thanksgiving break. Then I'll finally have a few days to relax... not really though. All of Wednesday and Thursday I have to help mom clean the house for the Petersen Thanksgiving at our place Thursday night. I also have to play piano (again...) for the Thanksgiving night service at church on Wednesday. Also I think that my aunt & g-ma are coming down Friday through Sunday, so yeah...
Haha if I'm this desperate for a vacation now (and barely anything has happened), I wonder what it'll be like once I get a life (as in a job/career that I go to everyday along with coming home to screaming whining kids) when I'm older... More than likely I'll have insomnia and/or I'll probably just skip out on my whole life (husband, kids, housework, everything) for a week or so and just crash at a local hotel until I get my nerves back... dammit I feel really guilty and stupid for acting like this...
Which leads me to another random thing: I prefer guns to knives. Knives, when used for killing, are really, really messy. Blood and guts everywhere, and you can feel the blade dig in. However with guns, the blood and the feeling of the breaking flesh is not seen as much as with knives. In other words, its a heck of a lot cleaner, and it makes the task easier. =P I think the jolt of the gun would also be kinda cool... even though I've never used one in my life, nor used a knife against human flesh. xD not that I intend to, but I'm going into one of those killing phases I go through... when I was younger I used to draw guns everywhere and wish that one day someone would put me out of my misery with one. I remember I even took pictures of dad's rifles and stowed them away for safe-keeping... wonder where I put them...
so ya. x]
*terminates*
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