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Mh - so this really horrible misunderstanding happened to me yesterday when I talked to my boyfriend on the phone. eek
First of all, I have to say that he is the kind of guy every woman would cherish IF she had him. That alone makes me unworthy of him, since I'm not easy to deal with. Not at all. Thomas is unbelievably sweet - he keeps telling me how much he loves me, he is just so cute. And even though I'm full of mistakes, he never reminds me of my faults and loves me the way I am. I, on the other hand, am a pain in the a** because I don't forgive and I never forget. And if I hadn't been BEGGING him a thousand times to quit buying me stuff, he'd keep giving me things all the time. So I guess he's just the perfect gentleman in all he does.
Now. I was writing this job application and sent it to him so he could read over it and see if there was something wrong with it. From what I remember from High School, your application letter is supposed to list some positive aspects that make you fit for the job. So I wrote: "I like to help with anything, am very reliable and always on time." Imagine my surprise when Thomas criticised that sentence and said: "It's like saying you were pretty even though you're really not."
Or at least that was what I understood. For a moment I had NO idea whatsoever about what to say. When I finally caught my breath, I managed to whisper "What?!", and after a while "Did you... just... say... that I... wasn't... pretty?" and when he didn't answer the question right away I just hang up the phone.Of COURSE he called me right back the instant I hung up, but I pushed the call off. Hell, I was so SHOCKED and CONFUSED I really had no clue what was going on. Was he trying to end our relationship out of the blue? What the hell was going on? I was shaking and didn't really notice the tears falling out of my eyes. All I knew was that I didn't want to talk to him about ANYTHING, so when he tried calling me again and again, I just hung right up on him, turned the computer off, turned my cell phone off and started going on AUTO. I had no idea what I did - My hands were suddenly grabbing stuff laying around my room and put it where it belonged. I was cleaning my room while my emotins were completely turned off and I had no clue that the floor of my bedroom was getting soaked in tears. Then I laid down on my bed, clutched the pillow and tried to catch my breath. My heart was JUMPING LIKE CRAZY while my head was terrifyingly empty. There was nothing there - no memories of the past, no present for me to see, no hopes for the future. And while all this emptyness seemed to collaps on me, there was a thought creeping into all this confusion. There was only one person who knew what was going on. This person was trying to reach me every possible way - while I refused to talk to him. So I got up, restarted the computer and watched it boot when the phone rang again. I answered it by saying "What!" as mean as I could and started sobbing all over the place when I heard the worried voice of my boyfriend try to explain that he'd been talking about himself when he said that. I was so ashamed that moment and asked him to forgive me after I finally stopped crying. This whole thing was the most horrible moment in our relationship so far. I was still shaking hours later and couldn't really sleep well this night - I don't ever want to lose this man, but I seriously thought I had for a moment.
Phew. It's really good to be loved, though. heart