last night, when i usually would look at pron, i talked to an old freind with no thoughts of cybering or anything like that. i was like a giddy little schoolgirl the entire time, and i think i made her feel uncomftorble. i wish i could have been more open with her about my feelings but i know, like she says, i need to recover from an abusive relationship. when she says she wants to still be my freind it makes me feel like there is hope for the future, like i have no worries if i have her and her family around. they have always been great to me and unbiast. she said "i love you" twice, that twisted my heart in all different directions each time. even through im, after a year of not seeing her face to face, i get major butterflies. she makes me feel amazing, like i can do anything with her as my freind... now im repeating myself. im getting like a giddy liddle schoolgirl just thinking about her... oh well time will tell if i make more mistakes or if i can be a true freind. honestly, i wont stop thinking about her all day because of the dreams i had about her last night, just hanging out in the park and talking. i could feel everything, and smell her perfume still... im obsessed and i need to get over it i know. truth is im more than 80% sure that ill never get to kiss her, and 50% sure ill never get to hold her hand, and more than 100% sure ill never get to cuddle with her... all i can do is hope for the best.
that feeling
twisting my stomach to a knot
feeling things i should not
masks fall off and sheilds go up
she makes me feel like im not grown up
like a little girl with a crush
i cry and laugh all at once
everything i do is in vein
even the feeling under my skin
mabey someday ill be better
when my skin touches her ill be butter
when i wake up and still see her eyes
ill surely just break down and cry
no power in the universe will let me
you always want what you cant have right
sorry guys... im realy rusty on my poetry
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days of my lifes
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papa teddy penna
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