...As long as you don't close your mind...]
At 1:03 am Sunday morning 9-25-05, I started typing this, and, I have no idea wear I'm going, so follow at your own risk. So, how's everyone doing? I'm alright, not so bad not so good, as usual, of course there is no real usual for me, just a common state of mind (or mouth) that I like to go to often. Not always because that would become dull and redundant. I just noticed I spelled where wrong, let me fix that...later.
If anyone cares to know, I'm a horrible procrastinator (so that spelling mistake will actually never get fixed as long as I can blink and type at the same time) and a lot of the time I don't make much sense, even though I occasionally get a bit tweaked when some one makes no good sense, so I'm a big hypocrit (sp?) too, occasionally, of course, I do/am/see/hear/feel/touch/think/hate/love/smell/taste/know/love a lot of things occasionally.
But, most people don't know that, or they do and just don't wish to accept it, everyone knows the "real" me, hell I advertise it like it was on sale. But maybe they don't want what I'm selling, you know, that whole "real" me crap, no one wants that, I'm not too fond of it either (I'm putting it up on eBay soon). No one wants infinite knowledge, not even for free, no one wants imagination, or sense, or a good will (be it of straight white teenage male, which is never exactly a clean will), or a part-way decent mind, I have decent thoughts sometimes, it's not always shits and giggles, or porn, or stupid jokes that aren't really funny. I'm not emo, not goth, not prep, not perv, not stoner, not druggy, not frequent sex deviant, nope, I'm normal and yet I'm still not, don't ask why, because if I really knew, really...I'd tell you. I think...I think I'm sad...or maybe not, I know I don't feel particularly well at the moment, and I don't know why.
Listen to that, I have infinite knowledge of the world around me and still more room for the things I don't know (but in that case I don't have that much knowledge right? wrong, I do, we all do, we just don't show it because we don't know it). Yet...with all that thought, I really don't know much about myself, of course I know the basics, my height, average weight, food consumtion, likes, dislikes, pains, happiness, proportions and what happens if you hit the spleen to hard, nasty little thing. Why is it that we can know so much about so many things but we know so little about how we work, I could watch every documentary and read every book about "the human" and still not know about me. So, am I not human? Am I not of the general population that mosts articles are so keen on? I don't believe anyone is. I don't believe what's normal is normal, but I don't believe what's strange is really so strange, I don't believe in much, I believe there is a God above and that God has ininite forgiveness for the things we do/ect. but out of everything to believe in, that's about the only thing for me, either that or the most significant. I don't think God can help any one of us through anything specifically, but I think that, even though he is more than less a figure head for those like myself to hope on, we must still live our lives on our own, if we depend too much on the kindness, or forgiveness, or willingness, ect. of others that we'll die an early and regretful death, but at least I personally, want to know that when I die, or at any point in life really, that I tried...that there is a try and there is a do or do not, or maybe there is no try and I'm just looking at this the wrong way. I do make something of myself whenever I can, I do have a life, I do want my freedom (literal, mental, what have you) but I still want restraint, I do want friends and people to be there, but I want independence and to be on my own, I want to be alone and I want some one to be there with me, it really is hard to say exactly, but...
I think I like older women, and older people in general, not much older, but more mature anyways, ones that I can have fun with but will know when to calm down. Although I do like my friends, immature or not, and I do like girls my age, but sometimes....I swear I just can't stand to see them, and they don't understand that. Girls are for flirting and sex, ladies are for respect, and women are for love and all of the above. I feel as if my brain is 40, my body is 25-ish and everything else is 14-15.
If I get any more ideas that pop into my head (outside of the bathroom, where I have most of my thoughtful thoughs) I'll post them in here, this one's a keeper.
[I make people feel better...
...at leas that's what it says on my card]
