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My schools American football team kicked a** tonightt, beating the other team 42-7. Our first game, and win of the season.
But even though my school is so enthusiastic, I just can't help but be down. I feel like I'm losing everyone I love. My stupid little love triangle has just gotten that much bigger and I'm starting to think my boyfriend hates me. He got made at me today for doing things in public that made him unconfertable. I said sorry a million times...but I think there may be something deeper than that. He doesn't seem to want to kiss me, or even hold my hand half the time. I don't know what I should do. He wants to be with Kim, but he told me today that he wants to be with me two. I think he actually believes that he can have both of us. He can't. I told him this and he asked why?! I don't want to have to share him. Is that selfesh of me? I'm starting to wonder. I kinda want to break up with him, just to end all of this ******** drama I'm in. I can't stand it much longer. I've started writing again, and all my topics are horribly depressing and true to my life. I had to ask myself today after the game if I was the one doing this out of lust and not Kim? Who am I to get in the way of love? I was never meant for love anyway. I should have known the minute he first called me beautiful.

written last night, 9/5/08

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