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this is going to be a lot different then my other posts, im upset and need to rant.
i have social angsiety disorter and my mother just cant understand how i feel.
the very thought about even going outside makes me phisicly ill.
today is my neices birthday party and i want to go, i really do, but the walk there and to other people there are just too much for me to deal with.
both my mother and my brother make it harder for me when the tell how disapointed the kids are going to be, it makes me feel guilty and angry and that only makes me feel even more sick.
i know my brother dosnt care how it makes me feel but my mother is usually more understanding.
ive tried to tell her how it is but its hard to talk about it, the fact that i cant controll how im feeling is very frustrating.
i have a tendency to hold in every thing that im feeling and i dont have an outlet for my feelings they just build and build until i eventually end up either exploding at someone or takeing it out on myself.
im hoping that writing this down will help a little.