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-SIgh- Well apparently there's a line that's a lie now. I thought this s**t was over with. I thought I was done with it and I didn't need to worry! I thought I was okay! I though I wasn't going to ******** cry anymore or think these bad ******** up thoughts! So much that I though...so much for being right.

Right now I feel the need to cry, to let it out but it won't come out. My thoughts have strayed and went to horrible ends and I hate it. These thoughts leave me in a horrible state....it's all horrible.

I hate this! I hate it with so much of a passion it makes me hurt! For five, almost six, goddamn years I have this. I've had depression since I was 10, since ******** ten! What the hell kind of ten year old is depressed that isn't ******** up in some way? I don't know! Because I wasn't a rare ******** case!

I want to scream! I want to have a fit! I want to kick and fight back like I should do! I want to do so much but all I can do is cry....I need help. I need it so bad! I hate these thoughts. I want them gone! They give me nightmares and make me feel like a worthless piece of s**t and I want to feel better. After almost six years I want to start feeling better.

I want the sun to shine on my dark parade....why won't it?

EDIT: 1:45pm (This entry was written at 3:22 in the morning)
Well, I cried myself to sleep last night. I don't know why I'm so sad. I had an awesome amazing day yesterday. I had fun and enjoyed it a lot so why am I sad? I wish I could answer that.