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to those of you that gave me your votes, and were serious, thank you. everyone else, screw you freeloaders and assholes. now, as i was saying, i will put up the popular voted piece from the three choices, which was all three. so we shall see just how much room is on here. here you are:
(oh, real quick, for those that might not know, Shelia is a AI inside of the tank, and the teams don't matter they're all idiots. any further questions, just drop me a line.)
Sister’s Stories:
One-
Sister: Is this the kind of thing you guys do all the time?
Grif: Pretty much. Just roll with it, it’s the only thing that keeps you from going insane from boredom.
Sister: Yeah, or we could raid the medical supplies for morphine.
Grif: Yeah….Wait, what?
Two-
Simmons: Sarge is dead! He died of- what’d he die of?
Sister: Aspirin overdose.
Simmons: See, Sarge is dead of a, a aspirin overdose? Really?
Sister: I know! I didn’t think it was possible. Trust me, I tried.
Simmons: Yeah. Wait, what?
Three-
Grif: Uh, yeah, this might be a bad time to bring up the fact that my sister is colorblind.
Simmons: (yells) What!
Sister: (whispers to Grif) I don’t get it. What’s the gray guy so upset about?
Simmons: But girls can't be color blind!
Sister: Yeah? Well they say girls can't ejaculate either! But guess what?
Grif: Yeah! Wait, what?!
Four-
Church: (sighs) Great.
Sister: Yeah, sorry, doesn’t sound like I have any of the skills you need, unless you want to see my ping-pong ball trick?
Church: Yeah. Wait, what?
Five-
Sister: I thought about having a kid once.
Tucker: Oh, really? It’s a lot of work.
Sister: Yeah, it seems like it would be hard, but I thought ‘You know, who wants to be known as the girl who’s had seven abortions?’
Tucker: Yeah. Wait, what?
Six-
Tucker: Go show her Doc and Shelia.
Caboose: (Turns around and points) The purple one is Doc, and the big one is Shelia.
Church: You know I was really wising that would take longer…., and farther away.
Sister: Who’s the black one?
Church: The black one?
Sister: Yeah, the one in the black armor, the one standing right behind you guys.
Caboose: (Happy) The black one, (Depressed) yeah.
Long pause
Caboose: Wait, what?
Bonding Time:
Church, Tucker, and Caboose looking down at Jr.
Church: So this is it, Tucker. This is your little monstrosity, your little abomination of nature.
Tucker: (faces Church) Uh, what do I do?
Church: (faces Tucker) Why you asking me?
Tucker: I don’t know how to be a dad. This isn’t the way I planned it.
Church: You planned this! Tucker, I had no idea.
Tucker: No no, I mean I always wanted that ideal father son relationship. You know where I see him for like eight hours every other weekend and send checks to some woman I hate.
Caboose: It’s emotional conversations like this that make me miss my mom.
Church: Alright, look, let’s leave these two alone. Let them do a little bonding.
Tucker: Hey, don’t leave me alone with him. What am I suppose to say?
Caboose: Ask him if he likes baseball.
Church: It’s an alien baby, Caboose.
Caboose: Ask him if he likes tee ball.
Church: Alien, Caboose! Alien was the key word in that sentence.
Tucker: Seriously, don’t go. I don’t even know where to start.
Church: Tucker, he’s part of an alien race whose only purpose seems to be to tell huge, grandiose lies to people so that they could subdue them, and then impregnate them. So, let’s start with that, you know, common ground.
Tucker: Yeah, I think I’ll stick to baseball.
Caboose: Tell him about how his dad got to third base with you.
Church: Caboose!
Church’s rant:
Simmons sad yelling from behind rock) Hey, Blues, I mean, Blue, we’re going to give you one chance to surrender!
Church sad yelling back) Wha, why would I-
(giant explosion).
Church sad to Shelia)Hey, hold on a minute, Shelia. (back to yelling at Reds) Why would I surrender?
(Simmons, Grif, and Donut whisper from behind rock)
Simmons: (yelling) Uh, because you’re outnumbered!
Church: Bullshit, dude, I got a tank! People with tanks are never outnumbered.
(Reds whisper again)
Simmons: (yelling) We also think it’s your turn to surrender.
Church: What!?
Simmons: Well, you’ll recall, first you surrendered and you guys gave us Doc, and then we surrendered and we gave you the jeep, now that means-
Church: Shelia, shut him up.
Shelia shoots her main cannon at Reds.
Simmons: Son of a b***h! (ducks behind rock with Grif)
Donut: Is that a “no“? (ducks behind rock)
Church: Okay, look guys, I don’t mean to be rude, but I got a missing girlfriend, a guy who’s pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, and our worse enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now, so I really, really, really don’t have time for this horseshit right now!
Long pause from Reds.
Grif: Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?
Church: He’s not pregnant!!
 Shaalal Regate Vice · Thu Jun 26, 2008 @ 10:22pm · 1 Comments |
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