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Thanks Zak and Nikki for your comments in my last journal entry. I really do apperciate them but it doesn't change my views very much. I'll explain.

Most of my views on myself are because of depression. I've come to realize this over the years and I've come to terms with it. I will probably always believe I'm selfish and horrible, no matter how much better I get. There will always be a small part of me that thinks that and I know it will never go away. Honestly I'm okay with that now because these feelings are normal to me, though I know they aren't supposed to be.

Zak, dear, I love you so very much and it does make me feel a bit better about myself to know that the things that "irritate" you that I say you still love me and them. I'm glad to know that and it changes a little but not much.

Nikki, thank you for what you put. I mean not that you can speak for every person (That'd be like you being....president) but I'm glad that I can understand a little better why you people put up with me....but I still don't see how and I probably will at some point in my life but right now I don't.

So neither of you two worry too much. To be honest most of 9th grade (Excluding the nick part and dealing with him) and this summer (or as far into summer as we've reached) has been one of the happiest times of my life. I can't remember many when I was truly at this much peace. So don't worry, I'm getting better from years past and I don't cry much anymore at night. That only happens when I've had a bad day now.

I'll get help when I can and hopefully that's soon. I have finally decided that I can try therapy or meds or both and maybe I'll get better. There are a few options out there like meditation as well and they'll probably help me because I know I need them.