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I am truth

I fight back tears to be strong for you; I suppress my fears to be strong for you. Now I need you to be strong for me, can you?

I’m not crazy, I’m just overwhelmed

Sometimes there isn't another path to choose from, sometimes we have to fix the one were on in order to get through

I throw away everything that reminds me of you I’m done crying

I stopped letting you wipe my tears away when you started causing them

Pain is all sense of hope leaving your mind body and spirit

The numbness I feel is not from blocked emotions, it's from the many times my hearts been broken while trying to heal itself.

The people that say live life to the fullest obviously don’t know the meaning of the word "life"

You see in my eyes some one needing help I see through your eyes someone not worth your time

Hearts must be broken to know what love is pain must be felt to understand fear failure must happen for success to go far and trials must be faced to find out who you are

mending a broken heart is completely possible, putting it back together perfectly? that's the impossible part

peace of mind is something someone made up to make you think there's still hope

I don’t believe what they tell me, it cant be true but when I see the puncture wound on my shoulder I cant deny it any longer

people always say you can fix a broken heart, how bout a shattered one?

when someone says I love you it shouldn't just be heard it should be felt

love at first sight is bull s**t based on appearances, love should be with the one you've always known but have never really seen until now

With a mask on people accept you with it off people find you a burden and run away, my mask has become a part of me and I’ve forgotten how to take it off

bleeding black is a result of a dead and broken heart that no one tried to mend and no one saw was broken

a rip in the skin is a lot easier to handle then a tear in the heart

if you must I’d rather you stab me in the back cause I don’t think I’ll survive another stabbing in my heart

life is s**t there's nothing else to it

the only reason I hate you is to keep myself from crying over losing you

you say you love me, why don’t you mean it?

If you had to make a quick decision could you do it? If an opportunity came by that you've been waiting for would you take it or let it walk away? Well here I am standing on your doorstep in the falling snow, will you take me into your arms or let me walk away?

seeing you cry breaks my heart that's why I wont do it cause I know you'll just start

here's my heart save us the trouble and break it now

answer me! I scream you take me in your arms and I forgot what I wanted you to answer

our hearts are complex puzzles only one person knows how to solve it perfectly we just have to find them

I hide my heart from you so you cant break it

part of me still loves you but the other part is too hurt to care ………………………..
Roses, Dreams and Suicide Notes

I dream of her all the time. Dreaming that I can tell her how I feel, dreaming that she could love me as I love her, dreaming of us in the park holding hands as I kiss her cheek and tell her how much I love her. I come to realise that my dreams are hopeless. I think of leaving and never coming back. I think about it but decide on something else. I decide to tell her everything, no matter what people think or say, she will no of my love for her.
I find her at school the next day and try to gather the strength to tell her. I finally get the guts to do it. I go to talk to her, she looks into my eyes and I look in hers, I try to speak. I try to speak yet nothing comes out. I start to sweat and shake, I forget about everything and start to panic.
All of a sudden I come back to thought. Almost at least, Im not sure whats happening. It finally hits me, her lips are touching mine. I start to think Im in a dream but still know that Im not. I dont have to say anything, shes already took the words from my mouth as if they were her own. She smiles and says she has to go to class, I still cant think straight but she giggles and walks off.
I think about her all day and decide to get her a gift. After school I run to the flower shop. I buy a rose, a white one, white to show my purest love for her. I go to her house straight away, I knock on and she answers. I say nothing but hold the rose out with a smile on my face. The smile soon changes as she breaks my heart.
She tells me that it was just a kiss and nothing else. She has no feeling for me. She doesnt even know my name. I still try to give her the rose with a tear slowly running down my cheek, she takes it but only to throw it back at me.
She slams the door in my face to finish my heart off. Its gone, crushed into a million pieces like a shattered window. I run home and lock myself in my room. Tears flow down my face like a river and I make another decision. I take a pen and some paper. I rush to write down what I need to say in hope that they find it. I finish and go into my draw to take out a knife. I put it to my wrist and swiftly pull it down. I watch the blood run down onto my hand and throw myself onto the bed. I go cold and start to think of her, of the kiss she gave me and of what had happened that day. I smile as my last tear trickles down and falls onto my pillow. I close my eyes and say to myself, Im going to miss you.
………………..
Nobody listens.
Nobody cares.
Why is life worth living
if nobody's there?
You may have friends...
but they don't know.
The pain you go through
is too hard to show.
You don't want the attention
just someone to listen,
someone to understand,
someone to make life worth living.
Your home doesn't comfort you
when that's where the problems start.
You don't deserve to die,
but you can't fix your broken heart.
Not by yourself,
it's just too hard.
No one will catch you
when you're ready to fall.
So you have to be strong
but you're getting too weak.
You can't hold on forever.
So why not let go?
You can't, you're waiting for something.
Something that's not coming.
So just take those pills,
take that bag,
take that gun,
take that blade.
You're gone.
…………….
A shard of glass as her weapon,
she draws a thin line,
a crimson line,
that everyone seems to hate.
They shun her,
they mistreat her.
But why?
The loss of another friend only causes her to draw deeper.
It tastes so good,
nothing can match it,
intoxicated by the crimson slit bubbling out of her arm,
she punishes herself yet again for being weak.
And then one day she cannot bear it.
She thrusts the clear blade into her neck,
tasting the forbidden juice creeping within,
and feels reborn.
……….
All of the the things I've loved before
Never have I loved this,
I'm all scarred upon my wrist.
Life leaving me here.
I thought I was happy, but I felt sorrow,
Now will never see tomorrow.
So I got a rope but I couldn't do it,
Then I left the water to do it.
I stayed in for 20 seconds but got out.
I had to find a way out but how?
I did the best I've done before, just cut away.
I cut it deep till I could see no more.
My parents found me, seen what has been done to me.
It was hard for them to see.
That I had to leave, cause everyone hated me.
…………..

I am sitting here alone,
In the dark once again,
The freezing frost gets to my bone,
And I lost everything I used to gain.
Bloody tears running
Down my hot face,
Blood running down my wrist
And rapidly staining my lace.
I turned on the light beacause I couldn't sleep,
But yet I can still see darkness,
Like I'm in a well oh,so deep.
I look down at my hands,
They just look so pale,
And the blood drops and lands,
On the cold bitter ground.
………….

you grab my wrist
pull up my sleeve
you whisper to me
"i just can't believe"
you stare at me
with your sad brown eyes
i turn my head
cause i can't bear to give you more lies
it's just a paper cut
i say to you
but you don't believe me
"that isn't true"
i don't show you tears
cause i care
i don't want to hurt you
so i just smile and stare
you say you're sorry
when you did nothing
you hold me closely
and say i'm your everything
you say i'm your world
your life and your heart
and when i hurt myself
i just tear you apart
i'm really sorry love
i didn't mean to
but just so you know
i'll always love you
…………..
last night i dreamt about our last day
you know, the one you left me all alone
i wish you could see the tears
i wish you could see the blood
so that maybe you'd understand,
understand what you meant to me
i think i'll just cut my troath
and you can sit and watch me bleed
there's no need for a rose on my grave
there's no need for any prayers
my death will be more peaceful
than the life i lead thinking of you
i thank you for all the miserable moments
and sorry for all the times i said i loved you
you meant a lot for me
i loved you more than my own soul
don't say you're sorry
i am more - for loving you
………………
Another Love Another Cut
Another Drop Of Blood Lost
Another Day of I love yous'
another night with the blade
siting here crying as the words replay
'I love you, always and for ever'
don't say that
don't say my name
i've done this before and i lost the game
Another Love Another Cut
why is love so painful
you cant understand that i cant hold your hand
because just your touch gives room for one more cut
another night with blade
another night of rage
as i sit in my cage and stare in the mirror i feel the cool blood run down my arm
its not too bad just another day
because
Another Love Another cut
oh the joy of the pain
…………

I didn't think that I would do this to me
But I did
Just two tiny slashes
Across each wrist
Make a difference to me
Damaged
Thats all I can think
I'm lost
Nobody cares about what I say
What I d0
My friends abandoned me
They dont want to be with a cutter
They'd rather stare at me
Then laugh when they hear I tried to die
Might as well die
No one cares
Might as well cry
I'm still alone
Scream, "Why?"
I'm alone in my f*cked up cutting world
Nobody gives a damn
This time you wont see me again
I'll be gone
Lost
Distant
Dead.
………….
Just a little cut
and I will be just fine
Just a little cut
and it will clear my mind
Just a little cut
and my worries fade away
Just a little cut
and I'll make it through the day.
Just a tiny little cut
the pain will all subside
The smallest little cut
Pain and life coenside.
………

Drowning in her sorrow
No one ever cared
Falling into emptiness
Her pain she never shared
Constant is her misery
She was all alone
Crying tears of sorrow
No joy was ever shown
Wistful is her soul
Dying in her heart
All the awful pain, it will not depart
Hopelessness and misery only poisoned her dark mind
Nothing but, the darkness is all that she can find
Sepulchral, austere life, its so very grim
Somber, funereal and subdued, her life was dark and dim
Everyone so unaware, everyone so blind
Morbid pessimistic thoughts, theres nothing more to find
Bloody thoughts of suicide it shall and will remain
All the anger all the hate and all the dreadful pain
Corrupted and so stained like she was Everybody's Fool
Dimness in her heart, the world is very cruel
Is life really a token?
Light turning into night
Was she meant to live this way?
Is life really worth a fight?
The world only subsist in all its dirt and filth
Occupied in all its vile deceit and guilt
She always doubted that anyones a saint
Her lonesome existence will always have a taint
Every poem that she writes every single rhyme
All she once thought she knew soon commits a crime
She suffers under the isolation and all the misunderstanding
Friendless and forsaken life is not worth standing
Shameful and unnoticed she cannot repudiate
Angst, regret, the sadness and the hate
So unwanted and suppressed of her dejection and depression
Desolation and rejection, death is her obsession
Wretchedness and melancholy, poetic and forgotten
Life and all the mortals is all so very rotten
Neglected by all, and endlessly thrown away
Living on this earth, this earth she cannot stay
Useless and so full of anger in every single way
Misplaced and lost in her asylum, her pain wont go away
False love and false reverence she really did hate
Lying to her, so insensitive, they did not commiserate
Happiness is not real, hers just fades and fades
Darkness is the real truth, death is all she craves
Death has never been anyone of her dark fears
Death and death itself is the thing that she endears
Her desire for death, nothing on earth can cure
Except for death and suicide, shes very, very sure
Death and only death is her gloomy perception
Longing for her ending, from pain and her rejection
Flickers of past memories, running through her head
Dark nightmarish reminiscences of murder and bloodshed
So confused and misconstrued, longing for her death
Nightmares of blood and depression, she cannot forget
Beleaguered in her sadness, bereft of all her needs
Plagued and haunted by the living, death is what she wants to heed
Haunted and disturbed by bitter lonely living
Red blood and her ignored life is what she is now giving
Death angel in her head "make the pain go away" she quoth
She listened very carefully, and took the deadly oath
Contemplating her own death there, she sits and sits
Weeping full of woe she cries and slits her wrists
Feeling the knife engrave into her skin
Releasing the despair and deprivation shes been in
She thinks and ponders of her contempt of life
Only death is her salvation, her appealing deadly knife
Deeply digging down in to her affliction
Mutilating her own body has always been her addiction
Blood-spattered, bleeding, scarlet ruined arms
See the relief the razor brings, and all its guilty charms
Cutting more and more feeling the acerbic pain
Slitting herself excruciatingly, blood is all that she can gain
Dark red liquid, shes gushing and bleeding every drop
The depletion of her blood loss no one can ever stop
Miserable and depressing, she sees her own reflection
Not wanting to see her face, she loses her affection
She lay down on her bed as she bled and bled
A deep and gory bloodbath engulfed her, everything was red
Grave and solemn are her eyes, she was so frail and weak
Cheerless and so damaged she had none left to speak
Lying on her bloody bed she gently closed her eyes
As everything she felt was dead, there she slowly dies
Sliced and wounded, by every gruesome bleeding cut
Her time on earth is done as a mortal, her secret tightly shut
Covered and hidden in her deep burgundy gore
She had no love to live, no life to live no more
Quintessential and so bloody her suicide
The quintessence of death is what she did felt inside
Her quixotic enthrallment in mutilation and in death
Taught her bloody lessons she cannot forget
Fallen into the stygian obscurity there is no turning back
Astray into the darkness, the light fading to black
There her lifeless cadaver lay holding the sharp knife
Bleeding crimson water, she seized her hurting life
Death and suicide is her only safety
Grief and ending is what she cares for greatly
Blameworthy of every morbid thought
Influenced by requiems and depression and all the darkness that it brought
Ghastly and horrendous, is life in her sad eyes
Everyone deliberately, providing all the lies
She feels so cold and paralyzed and wanting her acceptance
Yet no one even noticed of her gory evanescence
Everyone ignored her passing, not even an obituary
Nobody cared; shes in her on sanctuary
Her sanctuary of her darkness is what she hides inside
A haven for her loneliness is what she can abide
No one even noticed that she ever even died
They told her that they loved her, but she knows that they just lied
Blood and angst she knows, what she feel inside
Her body lying in her blood her spirit cried and cried
Dying so futile and disregarded made her really sad
She had no truth; she had no love, pain is all she had
Seeing herself bleed made her realize
That all the things they said to her was naught, but only lies
Dying so misunderstood left her heart so black and cold
An anguished soul whos suffering, only so much sorrow it can hold
She lingers in the darkness
Confined, there is no light
A scarred and betrayed seraph dwelling in the night
Incarcerated in the shadows, she cannot escape
She will not forgive, all the betrayal and hate
Her wounds so deep, her cuts is all she that she can feel
A tormented innocent angel, her wounds, when will they heal?
Forsaken, lost and injured, an angel in disguise
Abandoned, wistful spirit, enduring all the lies
Blood and carnage, sadism is all she can remember
Fragile melting angels in the snow in their last December
Pictures in her head when everybody dies
Confused and lonely is her heart by everyones demise
Images of wreckage and everybodys doom
Fear on earth and devastation, people in the gloom
Darkness only hides behind the deep gray eyes
A childish guilty death angel hoping everybody dies
Callous intentions of black thoughts deeply burning in her heart
Thoughts of death and murder slowly lurking in the dark
Captivated by her deadly sins, they wont go away
For all those who were cruel to her, she will be cruel one day
Feeling detestation, she knows the circumstances
Aware of what shes thinking she simply takes her chances
Her lust for retribution, she will never rest
All those who overlooked her, shall be put to the deadly test
Words coming out her mouth, every sinful phrase
Visions of the people, visions of them ablaze
Trying not to think like this, she tries to fight the urge
All those who were wicked to her and the comeuppance they deserve
Gloominess and loss lingers in her core
She is no longer innocent, sinless nevermore
She kills and shows no mercy to those that have lied
Torture and only death await them, deadlier than ignorant pride
Massacre and death she will never reprieve
She will share her pain, her pain they shall receive
She will slaughter, she will slay and steal away their life
Unforgiven, no remorse they fall under the knife
Havoc, darkness, destruction she once before concealed
No compassion now, now that its revealed
Death is her only strength; its what she withheld inside
She now exposed the darkness; she knows that they just lied
Now she had her murder and vengeance, all those memories hidden in the past
Now that everyones dead, she can rest at last
In eternal slumber everyones deceased
Resting in the shadows, she forever rests in peace
Only death and murder lingers in her core
No longer an innocent angel, innocent nevermore
……………………..
I never imagined that I would ever find someone like you,
Someone in which whom I would treasure every moment I spend with them,
Some people ask me what it is I like most about you and I can honestly say everything;
Your innocent eyes which speak for you when you do not,
Your voice so sweet in every way,
Your personality, so charismatic, charming, comical, intelligent,
Your flaws that perfect you in every way,
There is not a damn thing I can honestly say I dislike about you,
You are truly amazing, I don’t know how I managed to get you in my life,
But I can easily say that I am pretty damn lucky,
Where were you all my life?
I love you doll face <3

………………
I never told you how I felt
I was scared
I never had the guts to tell you
I knew if I told you, you would react in the way
I knew you didn’t feel the same
But I was right because you did react that way
You told me off
Saying I didn’t love you enough and that I was worthless to like
My eyes gleamed with watery eyes
As I ran away to cry
I knew I was going to get my heart broken
But I never knew it would have hurt so much
………..
This depression is hard
this depression is deep
its really starting to hurt
im starting to remember
when I thought it all would end
in a single leap
Can't you see? This depression is killing me
I hate this life of mine
it seems im always left behind
I crave someone to help me
See who I am, not who
im trying to be
Everyone around me
is living life happily
I wish I was them from
time to time
but I know I never will be
This depression is hard
This depression is deep
This depression is killing me
and no one can see.
……
What went wrong?
Why can't I find the truth?
Why do I have to bear this curse?
I could be killed and it wouldn't feel any worse?
Why do they run?
Why can't they see, that I cry?
How can they know what I am going through?
Why?
Can’t they see?
That I can only be me?
Why do I cry?
When everything is alright?
When everything is perfect?
Why must I lie?
About all that I feel?
Do they know?
That I am not like them?
That I am addicted to pain?
These dreams of being slain,
why do they come around?
When I am bleeding on the ground?
Why don't they care?
Why should they?
I need no sympathy from them, those who cause pain just to see me bleed. I WILL BE STRONG. But this pain is stronger, I cannot last much longer, will it kill me? God I hope so
……………………..
It's killing me on the inside,
It's like agony, slowly ripping holes in my heart,
But I can't speak it, I can't say it,
Because I don't know what it is,
That's making me this way.
I stuff it down my throat,
And swallow it like pure venom,
The poison it bleeds through my veins,
And slices any left over security,
That I could ever imagine to obtain.
It's like a depressant,
Holding in all my natural easy motions,
Seeping through my body and locking it up,
All limbs once loose-leaf,
So tight and wound down in pain.
It spills, a curse from my fingers,
I touch anything it rots in hell,
Liquid death at the tips of my hands,
pure agony in one wail,
Red marks on my fingers by pain.
Silver shinny things that glisten in the light,
A reflection, you see, is what shines back,
As blade meets skin it screams in agony,
Wails and yells in untamable pain,
The reflection in the metal shines.
I can't speak, I can't say,
Because it's hell if I know anything,
There's so much in my mouth,
Waiting to speak, but I swallow,
For fear has me speechless,
And I don't know, anyways.
………………………
If Only You Were Here

when I feel lonely
you are there to comfort me
when I cry
you hold me and tell me till be okay
when I get upset
you make me laugh and happy
when I am confused
you wash away my problems
when I fall and hurt myself
you pick me up and take a fuss over my cuts and bruises
when I feel the need for pain
you talk me out of it and tell me how much you love me
but when I am depressed and your not there
I cry
I hurt
I cut
I bleed
I feel alone
and I think
if only you were here
………………
I sat on the bathroom floor, holding a knife in my hands with blood all over.
I put my back against the wall, and my mind flew over the hard past I faced.

I saw my ex Garrett I told him that I was pregnant and I wanted Sam to be the one I would share this gift with later that day she and I in out special place where no one could make a fuss to what we were doing was wrong
And Garrett with a baseball bat in his hands, getting angry and hitting my sammi.

She screamed and cried, not knowing that I was dieing.
I saw her in Garrett’s eyes I saw what he had done
when my heart started beating again, she was gone….

I was alone
so I escaped from truth.
The truth of hate.
The hate of fear.

I searched for hope, but could find it nowhere.
I just found an abandoned place, and stayed there.
And then one day I thought I found true love.
I thought that my life was going to be different than that of my partner’s.
So here I sit thinking of you and my heart stops for the last time .
……………………
Black rainbows
Block out the light
In a world of suicide
My demons take flight

The battle is set
A war never ended
Until further notice
My life is suspended

Fire burns
Around the trees
As the ice covers
What's left of the sea

It won't ever stop
I'll meet death for sure
Because now I know
My life has no cure
…………………
I breathe in deeply and exhale the same.
I can't believe I'm actually thinking about this.
I know now I've lost my mind
But then again,
How could I not?

You look so perfect standing there
Begging me to jump with you.
It's the scariest thing
I've ever done in my life
But even so, somehow I can't say no.

You make me melt from the way you hold my hand
And tell me it's for the best.
But somehow I'm still so scared
Even though I trust you with my life.

As the edge gets closer tears start to form
It's hard to imagine this to be my last.
All I can think about is you
And everything I'll leave behind

Is it worth it?
Is it not?
Is it for the best?
Is it going to hurt?

My heart beats faster and faster
Oh my god what a rush!
I can't think straight
But i'll keep my eyes on you.
I'll remember this day no matter what.

My feet hit the ledge
And you're the first one
You look up at me as you're falling down beneath.

My voice tries to scream for you
As I realize this had to be a mistake
But as I can't say a word,
Out of reflex-
NO.
Out of habit-
I reach for you.

You tell to come with you
That it'll be alright.
Looking into your eyes was my very first mistake.

Right then I felt like you owned me
I felt so out of control.
My heart was hating this
Yet aching for you.

So I took the jump
nto the crushing waters below.
It was 30 below zero
And i know it was our death.

But if we were dead,
Then why are we standing here
Holding hands like yesterday
Like nothing had even happend
Even though we still know it did?

I was drowning in you
Falling for you
More often than should

It wasn't so hard
Until the end
When you asked me to join you
I couldn't refuse

I saw the signs
Was this testing my trust?
It felt so right
But now everything's wrong.

You look up at me
With a ghost in your arms.
What took place between you and me
I will never know.

Yes I'm still freezing
Would you hold me tight?
Would you take my hand
And keep me from drowning again?
…………..
It feels like I'm lost,
Searching for hope but only finding sorrows,
I'm drowning,
Wishing for your hand to reach down and save me,
But i know that isn't going to happen,
I know you love her,
I force smiles but my eyes betray me,
It seems like you're the only one oblivious,
So I continue to drown.
…………………






I slowly walk to an empty room,
The aura in the air spells out doom,
The moonlight shines off my blade,
The stunning reflection it has made,

Alone in a corner, I can't help but to cry,
Because I know that tonight I will die,
I tried my best to get back my life,
But it seems the only way out is the knife,

My blade is my instrument and with it I play,
So many notes and sounds everyday,
Tonights specialty will be nothing more,
Than the sad violin cutters adore,

I begin to play the violin with my wrists,
The gentle touch of the razorblades kiss,
I move with the sound, I dance with the beat,
The razorblade sweeping me off my feet,

I fall to the ground, but get up once more,
The blood on my wrists, I can't help but ignore,
I smile and laugh, the most fun I've had,
For the first time in life I wasnt sad,

I play the violin with my wrists,
The gentle touch of the razorblades kiss,
The warm crimson blood caressing me,
The color red is all I can see,

But then it goes, my vision blurs,
The calming as my razor purrs,
I can no longer feel, my body goes numb,
It seems that I have finally won,

I lay on the floor, around my puddle of red,
The best wish granted, I will soon be dead,
I can feel my breath weakening as my heart slows,
And then, finally, my life goes,

A letter, and all it says:

"Tonight I played the violin with my wrists,
The gentle touch of the razorblades kiss,
The warm crimson blood caressing me,
As I died happiness was all I could see."
…………