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Guess who is watching me this week? Kwai Chang Caine. You don't know the character but he is from an old show. It's eleven where i am, my head is about to explode, and no one will post. I feel really alone. Today was cool though, we had a superbowl party but no one I invited came. My dad was drunk and all over this girl. i hate my dad. and my brother. someday I will kill myself and they wont even notice. Chris is the only ones that listen, however he has been growing father away from me and closer to his d**k everyday. God i catch him jacking off everyday. He is disgusting. Anyway school has been a real b***h, and my teachers suck, my grades are lower than ever this year and hell I just can't take it anymore. But thank god I can vent to my jurnal which I don't know how to spell because i'm failing english. Sometimes i even think the teachers are out to get me, due to my little brain abnormality. other than that Blake has been on my mind a lot, it's weird writing his name, Blake. man i miss that kid. I think I would have given him my first kiss, I really liked him he would have understood me. the only person in the world that would have understood me moved away. Have I told you about him? No? Well I'm getting into a big pity party writing this (seriously don't complain this often it's the headache) so I'll tell you about him. let's see was it fourth grade yeah fourth grade, Blake nosec/Matraciano his parents got devorced same as us, except his father lived in oregon, there he had two other brother both older. He only showed me their picture once, and I wish I had taken that picture and burned it, ripped it away and said forget them you have me. but know i said cool and life went on. anyway blake was quite the a** of a kid, he all ways messed around and caused trouble we never knew why. But sometimes he would lash out at me like Matt, except he didn't hit me like Matt did. But i still liked him and we were best friends, three kids two boys one girl all best of friends, so one day we are waiting in the line with our back packs i remember everything about that he was standing next to me wearing a black and red coat, we were about five feet away from the door and I was leaning on a shelf. and he said "I need to tell you something, but you can't tell anyone else" I said cool than he told me that he was being abused by his brother, sexually abused by his older brother. i didn't know what to say but I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, than the bell rang and we went to afterschool, because our parents are never home so they left a=us at school until 7 at night, than kathy was there. and i had to tell her I told her god why did I tell her, why did i tell her. his life was ruined because of me. i ruined his life. everythin went into chaos he went to counseling no one talked to him. my mom wouldn't let us see him or talk to him. Blake, Blake, Blake he tried to talk to us but we ran away. i remember I asked him if he hated his brother but he said no I love him still, i ruined all of their lives his parents his brother, his. Now he is gone and I will never see him again, all I have is a sad picture of a sad boy, we have carrots in our mouths in one like little orange tounges just me and him, he looked happy in that one. but i ruined it, and now he is gone.... Sorry I'm just being dramatic I guess you don;t want to hear about Blake or me and my self pitty, damn head ache!
 cheerios8 · Mon Feb 04, 2008 @ 06:28am · 0 Comments |
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