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***STORY*** ONE TEAR IN DESPAIR 1st version-unedited |
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One Tear In Despair
This story is about a girl who doesn't know her way of life and wants to find it so in what she thinks is her own world but is a world for the hurt and scared where nobody has been in so long, she finds her soul, and knows why she was still living and needs to rejoice once again to save herself from being trapped in the “darkness” all her life and never letting go of every child’s worst nightmare, otherwise known as her life's tragedy.
As she walks down the cold, lonely street, she realizes that she's never thought about what’s her purpose in life why she's still around and what does everyone have to live for because they’re going to get hurt sooner or later and hers happened to be sooner.
Walking in the silence and wondering about life she feels no one beside her, no one to comfort her when she needed it the most, no one but her shadow.
As she feels she's been waiting for her life to take place from the beginning of her misery, thinking that no one had ever even cared for her or about her, she knows that she has no life. The one that she’d once led is now dead, or at least she thinks it is and she had not felt happy in a great long time, or she had not felt like she belonged, or even that she had a soul because it got taken away. Like on that one dark and gloomy all-hollows eve a shadow came right through her and swept away her life, her soul, her heart.
No one would help her as she fell. As she fell to the cold, and confused road. She always thought that she had been falling and no one came to her rescue but this time she had stayed in the down side of the road and wasn’t planning on getting back up. But she tries to and has to, to follow thorough on her destiny, her destiny of knowing who she was because she had forgotten and needed her inner self to guide her to happiness and the truth.
As she walks down her unloved and un-remembered street, with silence in the air where there's nothing to do but listen, she listens, and what she's listening to isn’t something that you’d normally hear at midnight on such a cold night. Footsteps of a person. Her suspense is running higher and higher as she starts walking faster and faster, the footsteps get closer and closer, but she doesn't know where they’re coming from it seems like they’re coming out of nowhere, and she doesn’t know what to think, should she run or should she stay and wait for the person to get closer and finally meet face to face, eyes to eyes, and just as she was going to call out who's there, the running footsteps stop. As fear filled her heart and body she stopped in the middle of the street and stood there for about five minutes, just waiting for the footprints to start again. Just as she was about to call who’s there, she turned around, after being still for awhile, and yelled out to the person, for whom ever they where to stop, but they didn’t, they just kept running.
She was running after the person as fast as she could, heart beating, hair flying in the wind rushing by her face, but she never seemed to have seen the person. She could swear that they were right in front of her, but never seemed to have gotten noticed. Or maybe the person couldn’t have been noticed she thought to her self and pondered over that for a few seconds. She thought that this person, or thing, was a ghost and had to be let free because they had been held in captivity by their old and forgotten life and never let go of the past, just like her and somehow she was the only one who could hear them.
The first thing that came to her mind was a small girl running away from the pain of something happening in her life and wanting it to stop Running into the face of blackness and trying to forget what had happened but still has the awful memory’s picture in her head, somewhat like the way she felt.
She saw an old building as she walked and stopped to look at it, but the weird thing about this building was that it looked just like her middle school, but instead of having, Rock Wood Jr. High, on the front of it, it had nothing written on it.
She paused for a moment looking at the building and remembered most of the pain the other children put her through at school, and all the names they called her. And how no one ever knew her whole story they just assumed that they had known everything about her and what really happened and how it effected her, but nobody ever knew her story and nobody will ever know it.
She came back into reality, or what she thought was reality, and glanced over and out of the corner of her eye saw the person that had been running but she never seemed to have seen the whole figure, and it seemed to have been a girl, but it being so dark she wasn’t quite sure if she could make out the whole figure of the person but she had thought that she’d seen a dress on the person so that would kind of prove the theory.
But when she saw the girl, she was still “day dreaming” about her past, but she did see the girl was running to the other side of the building she was staring at. She yelled to the girl to stop but the girl didn’t answer or stop. She waited and thought about what to do, she thought that if she caught up to the girl she could get an answer about why the girl was running away, or maybe an answer about herself. She finally came to a decision and followed the girl going around the building and into a old rustic door, into the old broken down building.
Inside she stood looking both ways, left and right to try and figure out which way the girl went, she saw a piece of paper laying on a counter. She walked over to the counter, picked up the paper, and unfolded it to look at it. Once she unfolded it, just the slightest glance at it in the darkness she could tell that it looked almost exactly like her. The radiant wavy black hair, her unusually colored purple/blue round eyes, and her soft porcelain smooth face. The picture looked as if it was drawn and colored by a little kid, but still so greatly drawn, great enough that she could see the texture in the face of the girl in the picture and how it looked like her. She folded it back up, being careful not to ruin it anymore then it had been, and slid it into the back pocket of her blue-grey jeans. Just after doing so, she heard the girls footsteps, and remembered why she came into the building, it wasn’t to look at a picture it was to find out who this girl was.
Looking back and forth, left and right she heard yet another faint cry. Deciding to go right she walked towards the door she had heard footsteps coming from. She stopped in front of the door looking at the rustic hinges that looked as if the were to fall off at any given moment, she thought that if she wanted to find the girl she had to open it.
Opening the door she felt a sense of regret of coming to this place that she thought she had made up, but still kept creaking open the door. She had it all the way open and looked up to see a spiral staircase leading up to what it looked to be three stories high. Listening closely to try and hear where the girl was,. she started up the stairs and walked quietly and carefully up to the second stair, where she heard the girls footsteps.
Being as quiet as she could to listen to which direction the girl was heading and not be noticed by the girl and have her run away like last time, she heard the footsteps stop.
Not knowing what to do she ran strait up the stairs to the third floor and saw the girls dirty and ripped lace white dress and lush black hair whip around a corner. She started to run faster and faster getting her heartbeat beating as fast and at the hardest it could, trying to catch up to the girl. She couldn’t keep running anymore so she slowed down and walked thinking that it was no use to keep running because she will find the girl, after all she thought it was her imagination and there would be no where to hide. Walking past all the dust and dirt on the floors of the halls, she saw a composition book laying on the floor. she didn’t want to touch it because it was covered in dust, but she had kneeled down to it pushing her hair out of her eyes, she could make out the first four letters of her name.
She looked back and forth and had a sense of fear inside of her. she slowly stood up and looked back down at it again, with her mouth just the slightest bit open. Closing her eyes she felt that the girl was standing right behind her, so she turned around and with the fact being that the girl was indeed not behind her, she thought that her knowingness of people being near her that was like her sixth sense, was never wrong, but today it was and she was confused, as is like always.
She got the thought out of her head and started to walk the way that she saw the girl go, when she felt a sudden breeze on her bare arms. Not knowing why she felt a cold breeze on her arms she looked around and walked a little faster, she finally passed a room down a hallway where she saw an open window across the room. Walking towards the window she saw a desk and realized that this was a school like she thought it was in the first place and instead of going to the window to shut it she walked towards the desk. And the thing about this desk that was different from the rest of them and that caught her eye as she was walking to where the window was to shut it was the hand prints in the thick layer of dust.
Wiping her finger across the desk and getting off so much dust on her finger she realized that this was her desk at her school in the real world.
Her desk at her school in the 6th grade in the real world looked just like this and had the same words scratched into it, but it had never gotten this dusty, with enough dusk to put two big hand prints into it. The hand prints had the difference of grey, to brown from the dust, to the wooden desk where it looked to have been just recently touched by someone, and that someone had to have been the girl. And as she looked at it the more anger came out, she was always taunted by the other kids at school, and one way the tormented her was by scratching in the words, YOUR A NOBODY, on her desk, because no one seemed to care about her and no one tried to stop all the torture. She was always teased about things and heard people say that no one loved her, but they didn’t care what had really happened, but made fun of her for things that weren’t true.
All the anger bottled up inside her was coming out as just one lonesome tear full of hatred, and despair at the same time. There was even a burn mark from when they tried to burn it. But what made her go over to the desk was that she thought the girl was there because of the hand prints on it in the dust. She put her hands in the hand prints already made and they fit perfectly, she didn’t know what to think. Her eyes switched from looking at the desk to looking up at the wall, and her fingers scrunched up from laying flat on the desk in the hand prints already made. She moved her hands away from the desk and started to walk towards the door.
She felt a whoosh of air hit the side of her face that was facing the window. She turned around towards the window and looked outside of it but couldn’t see a thing, it was to blurry, and dark outside. She tried to close it, but while doing so it made this awful, loud screeching noise, that sounded like someone scraping their fingernail against a chalkboard. The girl, just about two dark and gloomy hall ways away from her, heard that reached noise and started to look around in fright, but no matter where the girl looked she couldn’t find her, until the girl walked forward through the hallways.
Standing there, in the doorway was the girl in her dirty, white lacy dress that looked like she had been wearing it for the longest time and hadn't washed it, but she thought that she had a dress just like that when she was a little girl, right before the worst part of her life. You could see that she was afraid and confused, you could see her knees shaking, and her feet wobbling on the floor, at any minute the girl could faint. She was just standing there to afraid to do anything, her eyes widened with fear, and her face turned from her normal skin tone, a beautiful porcelain white to an ugly feared pale ghost white. Neither of them did anything.
She had noticed that the girl looked the same as her and like normally she was confused she hadn’t the slightest clue who the girl was and did nothing but stand there staring at the girl who was looking back at her, with the same purple/blue eyes. But she was not sure what the girl thought even though she could feel how scared the girl was she didn’t know if the girl thought that they were twins or if the girl knew who she was and why she came to this place she thought was in her imagination. All she knew was that she didn't know if they knew each other, or if they just looked the same, and she had never thought that they might be twins because she thought that she had made this place up herself and she was just imagining all this, but for a world inside her head it all felt so real. All she could think about was the girl standing across the room from her.
Was the girl. Who was the girl. Why was the girl. How was the girl. Her mind was filled with all of these thoughts, she couldn’t think strait, she felt as if
she was falling through a extremely long, and dark elevator shaft or something else that was so dark and deep. Falling into the blackness or her own mind with nothing but the sight of fear in her eyes, she felt as if she was dying, with the thoughts of confusing situations, she didn’t know what to do.
In all the time that she was trapped in her mind she hadn't noticed the girl walk forward towards her.
She realized that the girl had gotten closer and started to step closer to the girl, but just as soon as she started to slide her foot across the ground the girl stepped backward. She could see the terror in the girl face as it was changing its color and as her eyes widened with fear. She stopped in her tracks, and foolishly closed her eyes, while the girl had time to escape out of the room without her seeing.
Slowly backing up the girl tried to get out with out making her open her eyes. She got out of the room and bottled down the hallway. Opening her eyes she saw that the girl was gone and heard a few footstep patters on the ground and without doing her intention of closing the window she sort of jogged to the door of the room and saw the girls dirty white dress flow behind yet another corner, and started to run for her calling out to her for her to stop, but the girl never did stop but just kept running.
Chasing after the girl she felt a sense of somewhat power. The power of control and determination. The control of controlling the girl and getting some answers out of her, and determination because she was determined to get the answers.
She yelled stop to the girl once again but just like last time the girl didn’t stop and instead kept running, and this time it looked as if the girl was running faster then she had before. Finally the girl stopped at an old rusty and what looked to be blood covered door, and pushed it open with what felt like great force to her, because she wanted it to be because that way she felt more powerful.
After getting the door open she saw herself in a mirror that was right in front of your face when you walk in the room, which looked like a bathroom because of the sinks, and mirror, and the two hallways that had stalls down the sides of the hallways. She was staring at herself in the mirror with her mouth slightly open in fear and had a facial expression one would have if they were confused about something and/or saw something that they have never seen before or that could be so terrifying that they couldn’t breathe, move, or blink for a very long time.
She saw the darkness in her eyes, the black hole that she had felt like she’d been sucked into quite some time ago, and she saw her worst nightmare happening in her eyes.
Now of course she had not been witnessing her worst nightmare right in front of her but she saw it happening all over again in her eyes when she looked in the mirror. And she was so scared that she didn’t move from that spot in front of the mirror. She knew that she could not see this in her mirror at her aunts house where she lived in the real world, but this is what she thought was her own escape from the pain and agony of the one everyone else lives in but you can’t say that she lives in the real world because she spends most of her time inside of her head that she sometimes forgets which world is real and which isn’t.
She was remembering that time when she was so mad that she ran into the bathroom at her own elementary school and stared into the mirror and it all of a sudden burst out in shards and flew all over the room but she never got not even one scratch.
Frozen still she stood in what she now thought was a bathroom for the building in front of the mirror of memories she didn’t know what to think. You can just imagine how afraid she was and how she just stood there while what she was really looking for was the girl and not another memory from her past. So by shaking herself out of the past and back into the present she looks left first and then right. She calls out hello to the girl but the girl never answers, just like she did when ever someone called to her, she would just look at them with a fierce look in her eyes.
She walked to the end of the hallway on her right and looked under every stall door to try and see the girl’s feet. But the girl could see what she was trying to do and the girl pulled her feet up off the floor so she thought that the girl wasn’t in here She had gone down and looked under all the stalls and still couldn’t find the girl, so she decided too kick open the doors.
She had kicked open all the doors and still didn’t find the girl, so standing there wondering where the girl had gone, her heart racing, eyes widened, and her heartbeat pounding in her ears, she felt like she couldn’t breathe, and was thinking of how the girl could have got out without her seeing it she felt a sense of someone behind her and wiped around to find the girl standing right there with a face that looked as if nothing were wrong, and the girl didn’t seem to be scared of her either.
Panting, she stood there, eye to eye with the girl that had been running from her for quite some time with wide eyes turning black like they did when
she was frightened and her pale porcelain white skin turning even more pale white with every passing second. She stood there like that until finally she closed her mouth and stopped breathing, but kept she staring at the girl.
Softly asking the girl who she was her face turned back to her normal beautiful tone and stared to cry. But only one tears came out and for what reason was she crying, that nobody knows and nor do they know whom the girl was, because she was a nobody she was just a thing.
WIthout saying anything the girl picked up her hand and placed it over her own hand and closed her eyes.
She didn’t know what to do so just looking at the girl she thought that since the girl had her eyes closed that she should do the same. So while closing her eyes she felt as if she had fallen to the ground, with blackness and a sparkle of light rushing through her head she opened her eyes again, but instead of seeing the girls face in front of hers she saw something else, something that she had seen everyday, something that could change someone for the rest of their life, something she had witnessed a long time ago, something she could never forget.
Yet again panting for breath, she saw the girl’s eyes open she let go of the girls hand and stepped back against the wall with a last breath she fell to the ground shaking in fear. Sitting there looking at the floor, rocking back and forth, and holding her knees in her arms, she heard the girl say ever so softly, something that she had never heard come from of someone's mouth directed to her, something that made her feel comfortable yet still worried, were the words, I know.
Stopping her shaking body but still sitting on the ground she asked the girl how could she possibly know what was going on, but the girl didn't say anything. The girl bent down to her and once more started to reach for her hand, but before the girl had it on top of her hand she pulled away her hand before the girl could touch it again. She basically shouted to the girl that she had never wanted to witness her worst nightmare again. But the girl didn’t care that she was talking to her she forcefully grabbed her hand and touched their palms together and she looked at the girl with a tear just about ready to fall out of her eye, but never came out, she held it back fearlessly, but still so helpless inside.
She had closed her eyes in hope that what happened last time wasn’t going to happen again, and it didn’t, it wasn’t even close to what happened the first time the girl touched her.
She had opened her eyes with fear, like sort of squinting at first then opened all the way only to see herself standing in front of a old broken down building which looked as if it had been falling down over the years and what's
left of it is what she was looking at in front of her. It had huge wooden doors and metal handles that looked like dragon faces with knifes underneath and on top of the dragons, which were quiet awkward looking to be on a church, as the girl said it was a church. And for some reason the church looked much like the one that burnt down one day when the other children at school tried to burn her desk, but this one was ruined so it would had to look like the ruins instead of the fixed church. She thought for a moment and realized that this place was the church in her home town where she hadn’t been since she was five and was glad to not go there ever again because of the awful memories in which it held.
She stood there looking at the old building that she thought was all in her imagination but really it wasn’t at all, and being interrupted by the girl saying that this is where all her secrets are kept hidden. She glanced at the girl with a fierce look in her eyes but she she sounded so weak, and asked who the girl was. But the girl didn’t answer her. She stepped forward and asked once again, but still no answer. She paused for a moment and shifted her eyes to the ground where her feet were, and asked who she was, because she was never quite sure of herself, and wanted answers. The girl gently touched her cheek that was facing the other way, not the one that the girl could see and pushed her face up so that they were face to face, and the girl could see her whole face. And the girl told her that she needed to find out before anyone else does.
She did not fell the need to look at the girl any longer and moved her eyes away to look at the sky. The dark and gloomy sky seemed as if it was staring back at her with shame. All the stormy clouds alined and sat atop the building almost right above it or at least it looked like it. She felt a cold breeze on her shoulder and glanced over her left shoulder to see where it was coming from. She could see a whirl of wind, but normally no one can see wind, but she wasn’t normal and she sometimes saw things no one else could see or even make things happen no one would believe to be happening. In what looked like a whirl pool swirling above her, with a face that had a look that made her feel sad and shameful of her life
All of a sudden she felt a cold breeze on her shoulder. She turned to look at the sky. All of the clouds looked as if they had moved down towards the ground and were about ready to rain, maybe with some thunder. Just as she was about to look back at the girl, her head started up again with a migraine and she fell to the ground.
Holding her head she started to cry, she burst out with tears saying that she had hated the rain every since she was a little girl and wasn’t about to like it again, ever since it helped ruin her life.
The girl slowly but surly said that she knew what was going on. But how could the girl know what had happened and most importantly how come
the girl looked like her but soon she will get her questions answered.
Rain drops falling on her head as she sat on the ground curled up with her face tucked in her knees, while rocking back and forth in fear. She didn’t look and didn't want to look up at the sky or even at the girl. The girl ever so gently put her her hand on top of her head and told her that if she wanted answers then she’d better see what's inside the building.
Picking herself up, she was looking at the sky and the rain with her mouth slightly open. She had stood there looking out into the rain for a bit with the girl standing beside her watching her watch the rain, but never asked why she had to go inside the building to get her lifelong answers.
Heading straight to the big wooden doors of the old building still she had no idea of what it was, but looked like the old church that had fallen apart a long time ago in a tremendous storm, that nobody seemed to care about what had happened and just left the church looking like it did, she saw in a hole on the side of the building, a crystal ball. But didn’t surprise her because with all of this going on, and with the girl who looked just like her she wasn’t really surprise that the oddest thing was inside the old building was a crystal ball.
But she was wrong, the oddest thing in the building or even about it wasn’t the crystal ball, it was something that she had come across in one of her dreams.
As soon as she stepped in the door the girl asked if she remembered this place and when she came here. She replied with a horridly weak voice that she did remember this reached place and how she became miserable from it. Because this old place was the church where here worst nightmare occurred and she had never wanted to relive the horror of the memories which were held here.
The girl was standing beside her and saying that this place could be anything she wanted it to be and if she concentrated hard enough she could see the good side about this place and how it can be metaphorically speaking a new world for her.
She cried out to the girl that this was a new world for her because she created it inside her own head to escape the pain of the one she is supposed to live in and that the girl to whom she was speaking to right at that very moment was a figment of her imagination and that the girl wasn’t real. She cried, now with tears, that she just wanted all the confusion to stop.
The girl bent down to comfort her. The girl told her that where she was now was wasn’t in her imagination it was a place where everyone goes when
they are in deep depression, but everyone sees it differently. The girl continued on telling her that the girl knew what she saw. She saw her worst nightmare which happened to be witnessing her parents death on halloween.
She looked at the girl with a fierce look in her eyes and asked how the girl knew what her worst nightmare and her worst fear was. And the girl’s answer was only three words long and those three words made her face turn pale white once again. The three words were I’m your soul. The girl froze just as she did and with out a word walked over to the crystal ball, not even noticing her left behind bodies face going into shock.
She didn’t say anything for a long time and she wasn’t about to because her questions had already been answered without her even asking them. So as she started to get up to walk over to her own soul, if the girl really was her soul, and wasn’t lying, she heard a voice inside her head saying that she needed to let go of the past and she refused to answer to it all her life, but this time she actually thought that it meant something.
Slowly gliding her feet across the floor she made it to where the crystal ball was and where her soul had been standing. She was just staring at the crystal ball, and for some reason know that she was supposed to rub it if she wanted the few questions that she still had answered. Her soul was contacting her mind to tell her that she needed to figure out how to change her life for herself, and just that is what she did.
She had closed her eyes and thought inside her head, that the only way she could forgive and forget what had happened was if she forgave herself for letting it happen, even thought it wasn’t her fault, she still felt like she needed to forgive herself for it.
She had pictures of her self as a little four year old girl playing with her mom, soon after gun shoots were fired and her parents killed. Then memories of being in the same church she was in right that very moment, of the funeral and also the last time she ever saw anyone from her family except her aunt, to whom she had lived with the last seven years. Pictures of her walking down the isle, wearing all black with a veil over her face, and only one tear coming out of her eye, just as just only one tear was coming out of her eye now.
She stopped the crying and stood with a straight back, to say that she was ready to let go of her past.
The horrid fate of her beloved parents, and the last three words that had come out of her mothers mouth as her death bed was calling for her in such a awful way. She said so quietly that she had to repeat herself just to hear it again, she was saying, I love you, which was the last words she had ever heard her mother say, and was the last time anyone had said those three words to her, was when she was kneeling over her mother and father laying on the cold, dark street, watching her mom bleed from her chest, and father already to dead to say anything.
She said I have to let go of this awful, memory from my past. She looked into the crystal ball closed her eyes, put her hand on the ball, and swung her head down so her black hair fell into her face.
Her soul faded into the air, but really not disappearing, just fading back into her body to rejoice and save her own life from killing it’s self.
She let her hand off the crystal ball, and her head flew back so it looked as if she was looking at the ceiling but with her eyes closed, still keeping her eyes closed, clenching her hands into fists and making a face so dreadful but so relaxing at the same time, that she could feel the pain of her life falling out of her body, while her soul entered back in.
The crystal ball to which she was resting her hand on had burst up and basically exploded and all of the glass pieces went flying everywhere but never hurt her.
The process of exchanging her misery for life back, was complete and she fell to the floor, and put her hand on her head, and the other on the stand to which the crystal ball was on to hold herself up and taking about five gasps for breath the way one might do if they were under water for a while and needed air. You can just imagine how she felt after going through all this sufferance, and now finally after all these years of feeling like she was living in hell she became happy once again and knew that she should have forgave what had happened when she was five a long time ago, but now she has finally done just that. And now she is ready to let people in her life instead of pushing them away.
Right after all this happening she found herself laying in her bed waking up to her alarm clock. It was like none of it had ever happened, but she knew that it did, but still was confused about it but knew that she had nothing to hold her down anymore.
Getting up out of bed she heard a voice say that she did the right thing. And she new who it was, it was indeed her soul. Stuck in a daze she was woken up out of her daydream, by her aunt calling, Annabelle.
The reason why you never heard her name was because she was ashamed of it for two reasons. One was because it was her mother’s name, and two, was that her name Annabelle meant joy and she was never joyful so she had never spoken of her name to anybody except for the people that she had to. And Annabelle’s soul didn’t have a name unless you would like to call her Annabelle as well.
 x50000xTEARSx · Mon Dec 31, 2007 @ 11:47pm · 0 Comments |
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