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I'm no good at dealing with death. I don't know what to say to people when someone dies, and I don't cry often, so I'm scared that it seems like I don't care. So whenever I can, I try to avoid participating in grieving, especially when I didn't know the person well.

On Thursday, an old classmate and friend of mine (whom I hadn't spoken to in over a year) was killed in a car accident. She was 19. I just found out yesterday. The wake is this afternoon. Her mother was my Spanish teacher in junior year; I was always friendly with her, and we said "hi" whenever we saw each other. She's had so much to deal with in the past few years, and I mean her no disrespect whatsoever by saying this, but I know she's not the most emotionally stable person out there. I can't even begin to imagine what this has done to her.

I didn't tell anyone in my family yesterday, and had pretty much decided that I wouldn't go to the wake. But at three in the morning I just broke down crying. My mom was awake, since George had just barfed up a pile of gum wrappers in the hallway, so I told her everything, and she encouraged me to go to the wake. I agreed that I should probably go, then stumbled off to bed and cried myself to sleep. I hadn't felt that miserable and lonely in a long time.

I should be leaving soon so that I can shower and get ready for the wake. I'm incredibly nervous about it, though.

"Death is just another part of life." I guess that's how I feel about it. But that's not something I can say while looking into the face of a mother who's lost her daughter.

Sorry for the gloomy journal entry, guys. D: I just had to get that off my chest.