I'm really starting to lose my temper with things. Whether it be one thing or another, it's just getting to be too...ugh I don't know. I don't even care anymore which sounds really bad coming from me. Not that I don't want to care but it's just too much trouble lately.
There's mom and the damn room thing. Sister's in my old step-brother's room which is all fine and good. I dont' care but god she can just be....she doesn't think very much before she acts. SHe's so happy to have her dining room back that she's gonna kill her back and give her somthing -else- to b***h about now. It's good that she's got it back and everything but god she needs to think! Because who has to put up with her bitchiness all damn day? None other than me and my sister. It's enough to make me just leave and go into the woods. Which I've been close to doing, had the urge to go finding me some poisonous snakes to play with but that's another matter.
I can't sleep and when I do pass out it's a miserable sort of thing. Like last night, I had the weirdest damn dream but it was so real. The mall, yes, the mall, and some guy was stalking me I swear it. Just like the ones from a long time ago that kept conveniently showing up around me. Considering one almost tackled me it was sort of creepy @_@ Anyway. It was sort of like that but I pissed the guy off somehow. Think he was being a b*****d and yelling at me about something so I was walking away to try and avoid him only to get stabbed. That wasn't very pleasant. He started freaking out when I was the one who was stabbed through the side >< Lil b*****d. It was sad though because when I woke up I had this shooting pain through my side. Still have it as I write this which is weird because usually the pains are on the other side. Dunno, with my luck it's spreading.
Which is another thing! I don't know what the ******** wrong with me but it needs to stop. If I have one more heart attack thing or whatever you wanna call it, I swear I'm just gonna stab myself so I have reason to feel like that. It's completely miserable, can't do anything until it stops, it just hurts and doesn't stop but remember! It's all in my mind damnit! I just need to go on Zoloft because that will make me happy and then I won't be hurt anymore. Oh yes, that's their theory. God damn incompitant assholes!
Yah, and you know either me or TW's pissed off when he makes his presence a regular sort of thing. After one of my more anger enduced rages, I just tried to go to sleep. Muttering curses every other word but miraculously in a tasteful sort of way, long story, but I was officially pissed off. Next thing I know there's someone talking to me, again. But it wasn't bad or one of those annoying stories they always tell me. Nah, this was kinda strange but comforting. It kept getting far away and then getting more clear, I could see and feel something walking along the bed. (What I get for sleeping at night.) It was just funny though because for once it was just TW, no warnings, no stories, just a sort of attempt to calm me down which worked to a point considering I was focusing more on hearing what he was saying instead of how angry I was.
It's just annoying when you can't sleep, you can't eat (it brings on the attack things that pretty much make me want to rip my arms and heart out), can't communicate "serious" issues for s**t because you just want them to all go away, people think you make things up for attention and ugh. I dunno. Just like one word can trigger my "mood swings". Gee I wonder why! Everyone thinks I'm this attention whore or something and it's just like "........fix it........NOW!" but they won't because they're idiots and I just want to make them all go away which is probably why I don't do anything but lock myself in my room and write, rp, draw or read. Yah, that's my life as of now. It's the only thing keeping me occupied and from ripping out someone's throat. Ok, enough of this. I'm gonna go pretend to be happy because god knows that no one can see past that. Maybe I'm just a good actor?
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