Don't leave me alone
i only imagine more
killing myself inside
maybe if i'm dead
it won't hurt so much
it eats at my soul
every time i look at you
i can't share
even half of what i feel
i know you can tell
and it only hurts more
because i can't say why
i feel this way
i just build another wall
around my heart
sheltering it from the World
painting happy scenes
on the visible side
while i suffer
in the prison
i built for myself
when you try to help
i only recede farther
into my barracks
digging a deeper hole
erecting more barricades
to keep you out
while showing you
the false side
the happy me
and i'm so used to lying
you believe me
and comfort me
for my fake fears
as my secret continues
untouched
unfathomable by you
My secret has grown
to become a part of me
without my blockades
i'm naked
and irrecognizable
so i hold my walls
though they grow heavier
each day
each time i look at you
My only escape
is through my music
because putting on a show
is what i do best
Concentrate
on notes and rhythms
tone and air
let the anger
run out with my breath
taking air in
letting it touch my torn soul
absorbing pain
then pushing it out
through this silver instrument
that transforms
my ugly feelings
into beautiful music
So i play
until i run out of breath
and smile
my secret
forgotten
caught up in the moment
i let applause carry me
off the stage
but as the ringing in my ears
fades away
it is replaced with whispers
and i push my walls
back into place
because
i only have two hands
while i'm playing
i can only hold the flute
and only while i'm playing
i let my guard down
my walls rest
exposed
open
the music
healing
but i am always ready
to pick up my barriers
and keep my secret
protected
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The Epic Adventures of Me
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