Everyone hates me now, over something that I'd never even consider doing. Everyone thinks I'm a cheater, but I'm not. I REFUSE TO EVER HURT ANYONE THAT WAY. Everyone I've ever cared about.. they all hate me now, just because they THINK i'm a cheater.. even Tyler hates me now.. i can't use any instant messangers, and even talk to my school friends anymore. i have no reason to live. my beloved is gone, and he hates me with all of his heart too, my friends don't care about me, and my parents are probably the only ones that care slightly. But they get upset whenever I am.. There's NOTHING I can do. I love Tyler with my whole heart, and I always will. but he'll never give a damn about me.. since i've ruined his life.. like he said.. i don't know what i did that ruined his life. it's probably part of how they think i'm cheating on him. ~~ i do know for a fact though.. that if i don't kill myself.. this pain will.. it hurts.. too much.. to even really be anywhere.. i just hope.. my beloved will find someone better than me. i hope he can be happy with whoever that person is.. maybe that person won't have such bad luck as to get accused of cheating by EVERYONE... hell.. maybe he'll even trust that person.. i feel so ashamed.. of being jealous of someone who doesn't even know my beloved.. someone i don't ever want to know about.. i just.. want him to be happy.. all along.. i prayed multiple times per day.. that God would help us, and help him to trust me, as well as allow me to be the one to make him happy.. but i guess.. God hates me.. now i'm left with nothing.. just this empty hole where my heart once was.. it hurts.. so much.. i think i could just.. die from this pain.. i love him.. i love Tyler with all of my heart and soul... but he hates me.. and never wants to even see me again.. i guess.. none of my dreams will come true now.. all of them are just that.. dreams.. broken dreams that just cause even more pain now..
~Arie..
 TwilightNocturne · Sun May 08, 2005 @ 12:21am · 0 Comments |
