Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It's con season again, and I know what that means for Gaia. Alas, for me, it means nothing, because for the second year I can't afford to go to AX, and having tried that last year, I'm staying here. It's a bummer, because for as much as I take pot shots at cons and congoers, it's like a three-day holiday from the world. Suddenly, a normal town turns into a 24-7 costume party where you can do almost anything, because really, who's going to think it weird or know it's you? In a way, I think it's getting to live in the world we all imagine when we're kids, where there really are princesses and fire gods and people with giant swords and gravity-defying hair. And just before it gets annoying or horrible, it packs itself up and goes away. Imagine the biggest video game in the world, in which you're the main character, and you can just switch off the system when it gets boring. There are many laughable or disturbing things about cons (Well, mostly the congoers), but there's also something kind of neat about looking into a swanky hotel lobby and seeing your favorite characters come to life.

This has also led me to ruminations about the internet, which is in a lot of ways as surreal and transitory as a con, and just as weird and potentially creepy. I've always had a hard time taking it very seriously-- not because I don't know it's real people behind the avatars-- because it's always been a game, something I do when I'm not having to deliver food or write papers or pay the water bill. It's never really run my life, and while I feel okay about that, it means I sure missed out on a lot of cool items here on Gaia. Okay, no, I kid. People might not have donated massively to me or given me lots of items, but they also didn't involve me in the kind of epic drama we know so well. Sometimes I regret not having a little of that crazy passion because it does cost me interactions with those real people I know are out there. Of course, it also keeps me at a distance when people try to use me, like a couple have done on Gaia, to get closer to something they want. Perils of being a mod and all. Lately I've had the sense I've drifted away from Gaia (Thank you, most brutal semester ever), but also that pieces of it have drifted away from me. What will be will be, but sometimes I still get nostalgic for the way things used to be. I suppose if I don't fit somewhere I don't fit there, but when it starts edging into real-life territory, it's harder to be so sanguine. With all the business changes, Gaia hasn't felt as much like a holiday or a little pocket con recently. I miss that, and I'm going to try to get at least a bit of it back. Bigger and better-funded doesn't have to come at the expense of community and communication, even if it tends to make them harder.

This is the kind of introspecting one normally does on a Gaiaversary, but in some ways con season is my Gaiaversary. Whatever you make of Gaia, hopefully it's good, and may it help you deal with the frequent pains in the a** real life hands out.