• These white blurs mean the world to me
    and this broken hourglass' sand
    tastes like words slurred in the back of my throat
    I can't stand it
    I'm hating the way my hands are shaking
    as I cut the lines
    even as I write this
    I am not fine
    I am not alright...
    I never was....
    You know... the cause is ironic...
    like how could something so purely painted turn me so psychotic
    I'm ripping my hair out trying to make sense of it
    Trying to find excuses
    but Monsters are inexcusable
    They're meant to stay in their cages
    for others to admire on MTV programming
    Snow is so demanding
    I'm standing frostbitten
    smitten with destruction
    and written of for the sake of production
    Then I ******** my second chance... literally
    and she came time and time again
    but I was never one to use protection
    so i impregnated my life with bad decisions
    Twins named Stupidity and Shame
    But even they cant hold a candle to the lives I claim
    Life's not the same since the sins came
    raining from my own fingers
    that grasp an upturned Glad bag for dear life...
    waiting for a toe tag
    and new heights
    There are no lights
    I turned them off myself
    so I wouldn't see that face in the mirror
    It's not mine... It can't be
    I'm just a boy
    That man is old. Scarred... scared?
    He's breaking down and unprepared
    Marley, say it isn't so!
    Say this isn't the life I chose for myself
    Tell me it's not my face obscured by the white blurs
    I look to my right at a Ghost and I realize it's hers
    and it's laughing
    at me, no doubt... I deserve it
    I must look ridiculous
    running a bleeding hand through my clown hair
    on the floor, unsure of how I got down there
    It's... hilarious, I'm sure
    to an outsider looking in
    It's not a child overdosing
    it's a trapeze artist fallen from the strings
    Cursing... breaking things....
    like a wild animal
    my nails are chewed down to the quick
    I'm all out of tricks
    You can launch any adjective from "evil" to "sick"
    and I'm sure one would stick
    I'm just a p***k
    a junkie
    I never imagined I would be here
    Never knew there was a scent to fear
    But I keep smelling it now
    This has gone farther than I thought I would allow
    Somehow, I got caught up in treating the symptoms
    but ignoring the disease
    I'm on my knees now
    with my head against the wall
    Praying to a God that I don't believe is listening
    I'm listening to my heartbeat quickening
    Wishing it would just give out
    But then I hear it...
    Something faint...
    A whisper...
    It's her
    The Ghost
    She says:
    "This is exactly what you wanted most
    so draw another line. It'll set you free."
    ...These white blurs mean the world to me.