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I hate my father. He's a d**k who needs to die.
Here's what happened tonight.
I've been holding in my emotions like crazy lately. It's literally been eating me away. My facial expressions have been blank, my sense of humor is gone, and my artistic skills are increasing --- which means I'm under stress.
Tonight, I had a mini-break-down. My mom asked what's been bothering me, and I just broke down. I fell on my knees, crying, sobbing, really. My whole body was shaking from crying so hard. I couldn't catch my breath. I felt like I was going to die. No joke. I passed out for a few seconds, then woke back up. My face was completely wet from my tears, my eyeliner was completely washed off. Natty, Caitlin, and Natasha know how I wear my eyeliner. It looks like it would be a b***h to wash off, and it is. But every last bit of it was gone. My lip rings still taste like tears and blood, my eyes are sore, and I feel helpless. I feel like no matter what I do, somebody will always be disappointed with what I do or say. My father was sitting in the leather chair and I was sitting on the computer chair, and he was saying s**t like, "You're a b***h who won't amount to anything." and "You'll never make anything of yourself." It pissed me off and made me cry more. My mom, as usual, was trying to comfort me and tell me that everything would be fine and to ignore my dad, but it made them fight. My dad was dissing my mom's father, who died of lung cancer when she was seventeen. My grandfather made something of himself, unlike my dad. I just hate my father so much.
I feel like crying right now, but I can't. My mom is sleeping in my room because my dad is sleeping on her bed. My brother is sleeping on the top bunk in his room, my dad has the bottom. So I'm stuck sleeping on the floor, but it's worth it for my mom.
 CaRto0nz · Fri Apr 06, 2007 @ 07:46am · 5 Comments |
