Okay, I used to be a decent writer. Then I had a big lazy streak of not writing (it started when I was 11 and it's still going!!!) so I'm going to get back into it!!! Friends, bear with my feeble attempts, and give me feedback, PLEASE!!!
Optimism:
Why do many choose the sea of infinite blackness
Why do they want to end the life that they were granted
When all they have to do is see the light that shines upon this world??
I chose long ago to see the light
To see the world at it's best
But here and there deppression nibbles at my emotion
Threatening the optimism that is me
Why, oh why do people live in darkness???
Random? Yes. Didn't rhyme? Yes. Sucked? I don't know, you tell me!!! xp
![]() Mouko-Okibi Community Member ![]() |
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Community Member
My honest opinion...
You have a good idea here, but you need to work on your meter.
Other then that, it was pretty good.
Try adding some more figurative language.