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Well, a lot has happened since the last time I wrote. Me and my boyfriend broke up, but are now back together.
Here's the story. See, I graduated from high school in 2005, and from then until just recently I have just been laying around the house doing nothing. Kozi didn't like it and would talk to me about getting a job, but I didn't (and still don't) own a car, so I couldn't get a job as easily as he made it sound. My only transportation around here are my aunts, and I didn't want to put all that pressure on them to get me to work on time and all that stuff. Plus I was supposed to go to the community college here, but I chickened out. Why? Because I was scared and I want to go to college for art, and I'm really good at it and I felt all this pressure to succeed and that that made me feel that I might fail. That's what scared me the most.
Because of these factors and some others (I think) thats what lead to Kozi starting to loose his love for me. Then, on the day that he got his Saturn tatoo he went to a friend's place (she's liked him and wanted to get together with him since high school) and felt like he could get a new start with her and slept with her. I didn't find this out until yesterday. Then, a few days after he slept with her he broke up with me. We have been together 4 years, ever since freshman year in high school. We were even engaged. He told me that he didn't love anymore and wanted to move on, but that was a lie. He did still love me, he just felt like he didn't disserve me anymore for what he'd done. While he was breaking up with me he couldn't even look me in the face because he hates to see people cry. He said that he needed some time to figure things out. I asked him if he would sleep with anyone during this time and he said no. (He only slept with that other girl that one time when he got the tatoo, so he didn't lie about that, and he used protection).
During this time he continued to stay here with me. I just didn't want him to leave yet. Even though he broke up with me I couldn't let go my love for him. I wanted to see if he'd come back to me. I didn't know anything about him and the other girl until 2 days ago. Kozi has a myspace and my best friend, Kira, is friends with him on there. The other girl was posting some things on there that was a little odd, so my friend showed the posts to me and all the signs pointed to he cheated on me.
So yesterday I asked him about the things that other girl was saying, because some of them were posted when we were still together, he denied everything (at first). Then, 10 or 15 minutes later he went into my room for a while and then came back out (we share a room). I went in there like 20 minutes later and found a labtop open on a table with something written on it. I sat down a read it. It was a letter from Kozi, telling me about everything that he lied about. He slept with another girl while we were officially still together and that he had been going out with her and that that was the main reason that he broke up with me. He also said that he didn't love her and that he still loved me.
After I read the letter I stromed out of my room and told him to get outside now and I slamed the front door. He came out a second later and I asked him why he did it. His answer, "I don't know." I slapped him across the face and asked again, "Why?!" his answer again, "I don't know." I pushed him down onto the stairs. A lot of crying and holding each other followed and to make a long conversation short, we talked it out and decieded to start over with each other. We both still loved one another. We're not engaged anymore but we are back together now. He broke up with that other girl today. She took it kinda hard even though they were only together for like 2 weeks! We were together 4 YEARS!
But when we were broken up I thought that we would never get back together. So I decieded to change myself. I got a job and I'm appling for college. I have learned a little something from everything that has happened in the past 2 weeks and it is this...
Love
Love is the strongest bond in the world.
As long as you have love in your life
you can do anything. Love is everlasting,
enternal.
If you have lost love, you will find it again.
It may take a long time to find or
it may take shorter, but once found
it begins anew. And that's love.
And I hope it's found you.
 God Only Knows WTF · Mon Oct 30, 2006 @ 06:48am · 0 Comments |
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