unanimated doll... playing life isn't as easy as it looks and sometimes it doesn't feel worth it... but it's lucky that i'm a tragic dreamer...
I proberly shouldn't put alot of this down.. but alas my journal is ******** missing.
I can't remember if I burnt it or not.. see I burn my journals when they're finished.
Like letting go of bad memories, moving on.
It's a nice feeling when I do it - just can't remember if I have recently.
scream
But yes, onto the actual purpose of this blog.
First and foremost I am ******** [whoa aliiteration] that everyone has problems.
I know that and I feel seriously guilty when I'm down and I don't have a good enough reason. So stop acting like I'm this insenisitive b***h. I bloody care about everyone else more than me. I STILL FEEL TERRIBLE GUILT FOR BEING WITH CHRIS AND BETRAYING HAYLEY SO SHUT THE ******** UP.
Next, I have problems myself. They affect me badly. They may not be huge but they affect me. I am not the type of person who can hide/ not express emotions well. I worry an awful lot and become obbsessed with my own problems. That's part of me being me. I have been unoffically diagnosed with a mental illness - and am seeing a doctor this week so see if meds will help. And you know what, if you say that saying all of this is attention seeking then you aren't more wrong.
I think it's a bad idea to see problems and mental illness's and so many other things as taboo. They are part of peoples lives, possibly even yours so don't even think about bitching at me about that.
Ross - I am ill. Okay. they way I think is beyond 'sadness' even Mrs Godsell has told me that. Don't try and make me start deluding myself again. I;m tired of running from myself, it makes me worse.
Yeah I'm ranting in a rather futile and primitive way but this is how I ******** feel: betrayed, angry, resentful and guilty as ********.
Yeah, I;m being self centred but this is my journal. MINE, yeah it's publically open but who gives a s**t. Most people don't even know me. Flame all they want, I don't care anymore.
I'm getting like Alex. Careless and cold hearted. It's time I sorted myself out. End of.
Other things:
My Great Grandad died this weekend. [I'm sorry I'm nothing to be proud of Grandad and I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you are but I still love you.]
Chris - thankyou so ******** much. You made me feel so much better this weekend, made me forget everything. I was so happy - I love you and you really are a star at times. <3
 HoverCrab · Sun Oct 08, 2006 @ 08:46pm · 1 Comments |
