May 12th, 2018
Alright, I am very quickly losing my mind. I have 12 weeks to go before my crush finishes his Bar Prep course and takes the Bar, in those 12 weeks I need there to be no backward progress for my boyfriend's brother's health so I can break things off. I don't want to be an a*****e and do it while his brother is dying but I'm not happy and I haven't been for roughly a year now. I just... I'm being pulled in different directions and I'm going crazy.
My boyfriend and I have been rocky for a while. I thought I was done dating but I find that as more time passes, the more I just want to be done with the relationship. He's short with me, he takes my presence for granted (I told him I had to crash before we hung out and he asked me what he was supposed to do with the rest of his night now), he fights with me over everything, I have to cave on our movie nights and watch things that I had no desire to watch but he never reciprocates without complaining all the way through the movie. Top this off with his lack of ambition, childishness (read immaturity) and "I want" attitude and I'm done. I didn't think I'd be the only adult in a relationship with a man 22 years older than myself!
But this guy, this mutual friend of ours that I fell so hard for, I don't know. He's wonderful. We have much more in common, he has drive and ambition, he's sweet and fun and easy to talk to. I know I shouldn't jump right into another relationship (assuming he even feels a thing for me in the first place) after getting out of a 5 year long one but... I can't stand wondering if this could be something and missing out on the opportunity. As it is, having to wait till after the Bar is already more than I can manage but I have to because I will not distract or take time away from his studies. But again, he's all I can think about. I catch myself staring at our conversation on Skype wondering if he's going to message me or if he's thinking about me and then I hate myself for it because I remember I still have a boyfriend and I'm an awful human being.
How do I break up with someone when they're going through what my boyfriend is going through though? I know it's not right to string him along like this and it's not good for me because I'm so unhappy but I can't just dump him right after learning his brother is dying. And so the vicious cycle of daydreaming, reprimanding, and hating myself will continue -.- And through it all, I still want to be with my crush more than anything which makes me hate myself more.
These next three months are going to be very rough.
Girl_in_love61636 Community Member 
|
|
