i really need to up-date this journal more.....
my parents are getting worse, as usual. my sister is beginning to drink as well. of course, behind my mothers back.
one of my best friends got herself drunk earlier in the week. because i yelled her a** off, she has been mad at me most of the week. it really hurt when i told her how worried sick i am about her and how much i care, and she said she didn't care. that hit home. talk about ouch. ugh, now we have a trust issue toward each other but are still friends. you see, she drank and did drugs alot when she was younger, and she promised me she would never do it again. but she did. she betrayed me, and hurt me using what i hate most, what im most afraid of losing people to. it's kinda hard to descibe just how bad she hurt me, but im not gonna give up, like her. (she's also suicidal) i won't give up on her as she has given up on herself. never.
another of my friends is depressed alot. well, actually most of my friends are depressed. it kinda hurts that i can't help them, and that they wont let me. they dont tell me there problems anymore because they know i will ingnore my problems to help their's. and that mine will get worse. but i still know that their's are there. and i would give my life for them, no matter how shitty they are to me. always, no matter what. thats just the kind of person i am, and no one can change that. i am who i am, and unfortunatly i can't be anyone else. anyone better, more helpful. but i'll still try.
if anyone is listening, im here. no matter what.
oO NiiGHTSKY Oo Community Member 
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