Everybody has fears, I'm just not afraid to admit mine..
I'm not scared of heights, just the sudden stop when you fall. That knowledge that whatever's holding you up will eventually give way to the ifinant space of nothingness, the weightlessness and mind-numbing terror that this could all be the end. Then.. the sudden, seeming painless stop.. for there's nothing more painful then the horror your mind suffers through from those seconds suspended in the hair when your heart seems to suffocate and clog your throat and you know there's nothing you can do.
I'm scared of things under my skin. Big or small, it doesnt matter, if it's under my flesh and i cant get it out, even if it doesnt hurt, it's the fact that it's there, and you know it. The fear is worse if it's living. Ticks and other insects that burry under your skin, the beetles off the Mummy, the fly in that Evolution movie, they all make my stomach churn. I can watch people being sevored alive and get a thrill from hearing them scream, but gods forbid if a bug crawls up someone skin >.< I've had a couple reoccuring dreams that have reflected this fear.
The first being one where large flat slug-like creatures that multiplied under your skin, showing no signs of their being but two obsurdly long hairs that if you pulled it would crack upen your skin and the slug would slip out and you could see it *shudders* God i hated that dream.
Another was more realistic and sadly i could actually see this one happening someday.. I first had this dream shorty after i heard about the anti-abortion laws in some states.. where i was pregant and i could feel the thing moving inside me, and i was in the hospital and i demanded that they get rid of it, and if they didnt i'd cut it out myself, the doctors didnt believe me and they ignored me, then i grabbed a scaple and i litterally sliced my own stomach open, and i woke up with teh vision of me laying there bloody and dying on the ground... ******** i'm a freak.
And my last fear.. is the past, and the unknown future. How things can so easily reflect from the past from what may lie ahead. Meeting a man and feeling that gut instinct that he'll might turn out to be like all my fathers.. that i might end up as misserable as my mother. Seeing the same things you saw before and knowing that things just might turn out the same, and fearing that it will and you'll be stuck again. And things never turn out the same as the first time. Fear of ending up stuck like other people you know. Of becomming tied to something or someone and regretting it. And the even biggest fear of all........ looking back at the past, and regretting that you DIDNT act. What would have happend of I had done this? Would things have turned out better if this and this didnt happen? The what if's ... I can look into the night and have no fear for what may be lurking in the dark shadows, but it's the fear of my own mind. That all these fears and twining thoughts will drive me away from what i truely desire. Sacrificing all my happiness in life for what? Nothing. Because eventually that's what i'll always end up with. Nothing.
Heh.. once again my flow of thoughs are interupted by others.. the babbeling of an insane, isolated girl from the nowhere.
ShadowedSoul99 Community Member 
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