February 21, 2006
Suddenly, the marvelous light shining down on my path has burnt out, and I am lost. Suffocated by the darkness that consumes me the further I tread into it's vastness, the further I tread away from all that was good. Here I am, alone in here, in this life, once again. The feeling so familiar, so powerful, so unexpected. I guess the saying rings ever so true, "Love is the slowest form of suicide," because I feel like I'm dying inside. A slow, painful, unnecessary death. And I find it ever so strange that today, whilst listening to Fashion Nugget, the song "Friend is a four letter word" really touched me for some reason. The more I listened, the more I kept having this feeling of a strange, ominous cloud lurking overhead. I guess it rained on my parade of overwhelming happiness this afternoon. Now I sit here in solitude, with nothing, with no one, drenched in the rain of sorrow, pain, and brokenness. As if my very heart was ripped from my sleeve, and destroyed. Why must I continue onwards without a love or faithful friend, without someone there with a helping hand, without the happiness I once had? Why must this always be so? Is it just inevitable? Am I destined to live forever in this state of instability in emotions far too strong for my own good? Why is it wrong of me to want love? I don't really understand why I even want it so. Every time I find happiness it's just taken away. That's how it always goes, and so far, nothing has proven that otherwise. I just don't understand why. It's like some kind of cruel joke and my emotional state is the punch line. Everything was so wonderful, so amazing, so lovely, and suddenly it's gone. I could almost choke on the tension the closer we came to home, and I guess right there in the driveway, the ominous cloud burst and flooded me with this intense feeling of loss. A feeling so immense, I can hardly think about it without crying. "Sorry" is just like a big adheasive medicdal strip: looks better on the outside, but still all torn up on the inside, and I bleed till the day my happiness returns. God I have a monster headache, but it's not nearly as painful as my heartache.
---Invader_Champloo!
:::EDIT:::
I don't want to make things hard because they already are for me. The last thing I want to do is ******** this up and completely ruin everything. Don't take this as being critical of you, because if anything, I'm beating myself up. Please don't you ever forget anything I've ever done and said to you. Everything I said that I felt towards you was nothing less than the truth, and I can guarantee that the way I feel for you will not change. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, regardless of how short this was. I'm still so in love with you. Whenever you feel you can, I want you to come back...All I want is you.
Invader_Champloo! Community Member 
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