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	Vampire Realm
	Vampire Realm


What can I say in here to express what I feel inside? I mean my family is so messed up I don't know what to do about it. Their sick all the time and just looking at them makes me feel like I'm the bad one for thinking anything even remotely selfish. It's just that they drain so much out of me...and I'm beginning to see the effects in my grades and my personality. I'm growing darker and my out look on life and everything involving it is becoming bleak. I'm not saying I'm emo. Far from it...I'm not depressed all the time and I know that my problems are no where near as bad as other people's but I just want someone to talk to, a place to vent. Here is a pretty good place right? I tried writing it in an actual journal but my hands got tired before I even got halfway done venting what I'm feeling. So I'm just going to give it a try on here. Who knows maybe one day they'll read it and understand everything that's changed inside of me and why I just can't be the same person anymore. Alright well you see my dad is sick. Like really sick...not cancer or anything but close enough. We've got little money and sometimes we struggle to keep the house and all that other stuff we've grown accustomed to but don't really need. It's hard and the struggled just keep getting harder. The cars broke down so only two work. My grandma's which she uses to go to work at this lady's house and my dad's beat up old truck which was in an accident recently, with him inside. We also have my dad's court cases and my mom's stroke, her operation on her toe and the fact that she almost had a heart attack and is in danger of having a real one. My dad's stomach keep's filling with fluid and his liver is slowly deteriorating and my mom's going blind. You see it's really hard to keep a smile on in this house. Especially as a teenager when my opinions are beginning to slowly slide away from there's and we don't always see eye-to-eye. Don't get me wrong I love my parents with everything in my soul but they don't understand how hard it is to play mediator and to smooth things over when they fight. Or to hide the fact that sometimes my thoughts aren't to kind. And I hate myself for them. Sometimes they fight and I have to be the one that cures it, that gets us all laughing again. I'm the one that makes my dad smile and laugh when he's feeling down...but who's there to make me smile and laugh when I feel the same? Who is there to smooth things over when I fight with my parents...just me. They don't come in to say I'm sorry and make me forget my anger. I always have to make the first move. And then they shower me with gifts. I don't need material things and I always feel bad later that they spent money when I know we don't have a lot. What I need is someone to make me feel better. I mean right now I'm crying and I can't stop....and this just feels way to personal for the internet but maybe someone can talk to me through here. Someone who will understand what I'm going through and what I need. I just feel drained...like every time I'm forcing myself to smile I push down a part of me that needs to be set free and exposed to the world. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want someone...people who can make me feel better and make me forget how draining being happy for the ones I love really is. Rapta · Sat Feb 20, 2010 @ 01:17am · 0 Comments


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