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After a couple of weeks of tough decision making, I've finally decided to quit the Crimson Pride clan. Well, turns out that might just be a mistake, seeing as how I'm now ignored on all sides. But, oh well, it was about time I got out of there, this way I could save my own rear end for once. Honestly, I got a little tired of always taking the grunt of everyone's expense, and being the one that people came to talk to because they were feeling miserable. It DID get pretty annoying, I must admit, but nothing was worse than having to find out that people whom you had thought were your friends were going behind your back and talking about you in some malicious way, and you had to somehow force those facts out of the friend that was listening to the other person. People say that they're nice, well, guess what, we're all assholes and backstabbers on the inside. Face it.
Nothing hurts like the truth.... This year, when I heard from a relative that I hadn't spoken to in a year, I thought I'd be nice, and NOT tell him how I feel. This relative of mine is just starting his life again after being a horrible alcoholic, so I figured it'd be best for him to move along, and then I'll be the bearer of bad news. Truth is, I despise this relative, for what he is, for what he's done, and the effects of his doing. Thanks to him, his children, who mean very much to me, do not even recognize me. I saw them a couple months back, only to see a look of shock and fear in their eyes. It crushed my heart.
The truth. This relative is my brother. Throughout my childhood, he has scared me, beaten me, and rid me of my nephew and nieces. My nephew is 8 years old, my oldest niece is 6 years old, and the youngest is 4 years old. All three of them are beautiful children, all of whom I am practically forbidden to see thanks to their father and his wrongdoings.
Honestly, it feels great to have a journal, somewhere I could rant, and nobody could care less. If nobody else will care to listen, at least I know this will. It always does. Doesn't matter if it's a pen and paper, or a keyboard and my Gaia journal. It's there for me. Like a true friend.
After reading this, I hope this inspires you to keep a journal for yourself. You've got no idea as to how much better I feel after making an entry. No idea. A journal is always going to listen to you, and it's never going to argue with your ideas and your thoughts. It's only there to listen.
La voce del silenzio ~ The voice of silence.
-From Gaia's half-insane Writer to you~
 Thee Alchemyst · Mon Dec 29, 2008 @ 12:59am · 0 Comments |
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