What is it that makes everyone want to be the same but make them so blind that they say that they are their own person. Why do I have to live up to expectations placed upon by strangers? Is this normal? Or is it just me? I try to speak up, say "No! I'm my own self, I don't need to pretend!" But all I hear are my lies. Lies that I don't even know I'm saying. Its like vomit coming from my mouth. The only remedy of this sickness is to shut up. But shut up has to be taken in small doses or you lose your voice and others claim it. The minute your voice is claimed, you're lost to become one of them or an it.
Chapty onee~
I take a deep breath and re-enter the room. Oh great, just my luck. Of all the people to come across, its him. I hate him. Looking at him makes me want to scream, to jump and to fly. He makes my stupid heart flutter and I DONT LIKE IT . . . I can't help it. And out the room I go. Its almost like I went straight through a wall to avoid confrontation. Which is probably what I do in every situation that makes me feel; d i f f e r e n t. "Hey slow down! Talk to me." I turn around and cringe. "Yes?" I reply hesitantly. Hoorah now the person I'm avoiding is worried about me and wants to talk. "Are you avoiding me?" Ofcourse I'm avoiding you, you embarassed me infront of everyone I know and people who now know me for all the wrong reasons. "Well . . . are you? Because I never meant t-" I walk away. Before I become more degraded. "It wasn't my fault!" His voice cracks, as if he were about to cry. I walk faster. I don't want to listen. Listening involves understanding. I don't want to understand. Running now, tears start to fall. I look back but he's not there anymore. A sigh of relief escapes my trembling lips. !THUMP! "Hall monitor, NO RUNNING!" -crrsk- heres your ticket for a friday afternoon. "But Simon today is friday~" I argue but his preppy over inflated ego doesn't care. "So? Call a driver home sweet cheeks," he snickers and walks daintily away. He has a limp, the limp I gave him for calling my stoplight. I turn and go back to class. If another person see's me out here ill have a total record of 4 detentions issued in a day.
Chapty twoo
Finally the end of the day comes around and detention doesn't sound too bad. There is an upside. I don't have to come home, home is where my heart just isn't. Then again you can't really call someone elses house your "home". It's such a cleche isnt it. Having your mind swirl around like this. WHACK! "Ms Arguez. Please stop doodling on your paper. I advise you to START your essay on how to WALK in corridoors!!" Mr Sheens words not only startling me, but also lunging at me to bite my head off. I wipe the passionate words from Mr Sheen of my face. Ugh bothing more motivating than having your vice principal spit in your eye. My eyes roll just at the right moment to see who was on the table next to mine. I look straight ahead of me. He's not there, he's not there . . . He's there. -sigh-
Chapty three [to be continueddd]
 ALEX you l o s e r · Tue Aug 19, 2008 @ 08:07am · 0 Comments |
